Reoccurring Problem Of Art

Most kids spook pretty easily when a strange man comes over and talks to them. Whatever happened to it takes a village? Does it only take a village if the village is full of great kids? Parents will not be sympathetic to you grabbing their kids. Unless those other kids are pummeling someone. Again, I’m not talking about intervening in some crime in progress. I’m talking about telling some cretin who’s blocking the slide from all the little kids to make with the sliding. Or telling some miscreant that it’s not okay to write fart over and over near your child’s chalk rainbow. I don’t try to be extra menacing or anything. But some of these mini serial killers haven’t ever had someone tell them no or set their foot down. If you refuse to talk to another child because you are worried that another parent will get mad at you, then you are telling me that the parent is the boss of you, and by extension, his child is the boss of you. Some strange asshole kid is the boss of you! If another parent is going to yell at you in front of a bunch of kids, he doesn’t deserve your respect. In this case, I’d be especially careful. It may be better to live your life and move along to another part of the playground.

Fight It Out

These demon kids have demon dads, and you don’t need that kind of trouble. Like a lot of education, it’s more about having a good experience than being able to fully comprehend a concept. Don’t bore your child. The point is to have a good feeling about learning, not necessarily to learn. Also, I still don’t understand electricity except to fear it. Some parts of a children’s museum seem a lot like a playground. Be happy about that. Who knows, maybe going down a slide shaped like an airplane will teach your kid something. He wants to be at the playground anyway. And if you’re here instead, it’s probably really cold out. It has many wonderful exhibits. Or I assume that’s what it is.

You Haven't Done Nothing

I think originally it was a store where kids could pretend to sell things, but a mob of horrible children must have passed through and trashed the place. You might be yearning for real art. If you’ve played your cards right, all this time in a museum will pay off with an interest in museums in general. Pretty soon, your kid will be wowing kids at his preschool with his theories on decontextualization and representation in art. Now it’s time to ruin a real museum. So naturally, I’ve been relentless in my quest to expose my child to art, even when she was uninterested. Exposing your child to art is one of the greatest gifts you can bestow on them, especially if you aren’t incredibly attractive or athletic. Then you’re relying on developing their creativity to keep them from becoming a deadbeat. But are art museums all upsides? There are a few things to bear in mind. And a lot of these phalluses take you by surprise, popping up unexpectedly like they do. In fact, it’s a reoccurring problem of art that the naughty bits appear without warning. It’s easy enough to avoid an exhibit that’s called Lots of Penises, but curators rarely title their exhibits so helpfully.

Just For Today

It’s more likely that you’ll be looking at an exhibit called Trains!, and there’ll be some sick model train with a penis on it, and then your kid will have disturbing questions about how Thomas reproduces. After all, the human body is nothing to be ashamed of. Subsequent ancient cultures invented paper and, eventually, the Internet, which made porn much more hideable. In ancient Greece, only the biggest pervs had giant vase collections. If you make uplifting videos, you put them on YouTube and hope to go viral. If you make sad, repetitive, disturbing videos about dolls getting their hair shorn off, you make video art. Video art is almost always too scary. Usually, there will be moaning from the other room and darkness. Or a rickety baby carriage with a stuffed crow in it. You know, something that reminds you of that weird daycare down the street. Children can’t yet appreciate recontextualized toys. If you want to see cute things, go to the zoo or the Disney Store. Or again with the penises. Now gift shops are just glorified toy stores. The Guggenheim has special Frank Lloyd Wright Legos. I’d bet you have to go somewhere seriously tragic to avoid toys, like the September 11 Museum or the Holocaust Museum, though I haven’t tested that theory yet. And a lot of these toys your kid is begging for are so gunked up with learning that you know they won’t be any fun. We’ve all become so insistent on toys having educational value that now you can’t have educational value without toys! You got your education in my toy! You got your toy in my education! But even if real museums are hard to navigate sometimes, what can you do? Go back to a children’s museum? Here’s what you’re up against. The boy is one of the most ubiquitous types of kid. Is it even okay to call kids beautiful these days? But look, without the full psychological breakdown of these weirdos, the term spaz suffices. Creeps are always trying to look at your butt and they know about how babies are made before they should. These knuckle draggers aren’t to be trusted. There is a type of feral child that is so pissed at the world that they aren’t satisfied with hitting. These tiny, toothy animals will try to bite your child and/or you if you get too close. Do you remember the supersmart kid who won every spelling bee or was always whipping that Rubik’s Cube around? Supersmart kids are great when they are on your side, but oh man do they like to rub their smarts in your face.