What's Not To Like?

Dinosaurs died and then they were put in a museum. Let’s tear it down and let this thing grow and blossom like I know it can, or Hey, then ignore. When you’re making sure your toddlers don’t hit each other, small talk with other parents might seem unnecessary. But what about the other kinds of parents? That’s a little harder, but I’ll hook you up. Have fun categorizing your family and friends! These parents think toddlers can be reasoned with, that if the logic behind a situation is explained effectively, then their kids won’t be brats anymore. Now Desmond, while it’s true it’s your ball, how would you feel if another child didn’t want to share with you? These parents will shout at their kids three times, get no results, and then give up. They understand that they must exert control but are unable to get results, so the appearance of caring will have to do. Cassidy, get off the fence. Off the fence, Cassidy! These parents’ kids aren’t out of control, you just don’t know their kids like they do. Their kids are not monsters, they’re really sweet, somewhere way, way, way deep inside. You know, I think Charlotte is upset because Wednesdays are normally our day at the garden, but today we went to music class instead. And she only drank half of her smoothie this morning, and she’s dropping a nap and teething and her dad just left on a trip, so .

Write Me A Letter

These parents are asleep at the wheel, except they might have forgotten to bring the wheel. They’re out to lunch, except they forgot to bring lunch. I’m sorry I didn’t bring your tiara, Madison. Violet, you’ll have to share. Get in line, Private. These parents will not tolerate wiggles on the subway or any antics. Discipline, close talking, and being a tyrant will have you wishing you could adopt these assholes’ kids. Francis, do you think it is appropriate to be standing there? These guys are chasing kids around, being monsters at the playground. They’ve got bubble guns shooting awesome bubbles everywhere. The kids at the playground love it! These guys are exhausting. These parents are multitasking their asses off, taking full advantage of the mobile workplace to ignore their kids. Guiding their children through a spiritual journey, these parents are all about exposing their kids to multicultural offerings that can expand their minds.

A Cup Of Kindness

Until they start losing. That’s the intensity! The rest of us are picking up the slack around here, man! If anything, the little ones have opened them up to some pretty cool music. This dad is incredibly charming and clever, and somehow he manages to be handsome and caring. Savor the moment. Savor every precious moment! They grow up so fast. Savor the hugs, savor the kisses, even savor the tears. Soon they’ll be walking, so savor the crawling. Savor the tantrums, savor the screaming! Savor the complaining, savor the broken toy bought a week ago. Were you hoping to put your kid to bed early instead of savoring him? I’m not sure you’re getting this savoring thing. Savor getting socked in the nuts, savor stepping on sharp Legos, savor no sleep. Slather yourself in savoring, pour that hot soup of savoring in your lap and slosh it around in your pants. Let the savoring wash over you like you’re a pig on a platter being basted in your own savory sauces.

Major Minus

What’s up with my toddler? Still a lot of interesting developments! Your toddler is going to preschool, reading, and loves your iPad more than you. But the world loves a little kid. And what’s not to like? Little kids are the perfect size to hustle around town. They’re full of questions, curiosity, and wonder. Perfect for museums, music classes, and dare I say . Starting to sound familiar? You’ve got your old life back, pal! And when I see a kid in a tiny vest and bow tie, I wanna give him a noogie, right quick, to show him who’s boss. No, I like my kids to be kids. And one of the surest signs that your kid is turning into an adult is when they start saying things correctly. Or that dogs were wogs? And cabs were cats and cats were cabs, so it sounded like he wanted to call a cat and get a pet cab. Now, suddenly, your child is saying things correctly. Nonsense is underrated. They can stay cute a while, can’t they? I’ll take dada over father any day of the week. What has any of that ever done for us? So I say hold onto their youth! But if you’re lucky, people with far more patience than you will teach your kid yoga, splatter painting, and sharing. Preschool has healthy snacks, not half your muffin. Preschool has attentive teachers, not you on your phone. Maybe I’m being a little tough on you. This is perfectly normal. It’s best not to compare this to Sophie’s Choice in any way. The way your child screams and reaches out to you as a stranger tears him from your arms is totally different from Meryl Streep handing her kid to the nanny. But you also know that you must leave as quickly as possible and trust he’ll calm down. There he is yukking it up with his pals. Way to throw ol’ Dad to the curb. You’ll know how good the preschool is by the number of art projects your child is sent home with. In this case, the art will ruin your home in one fell swoop. Maybe you’d be better off not working, but then you’d be depriving your child of creative exploration and social acclimation and dooming him to be forever behind his peers. Maybe just send him to extended days on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It’s amazing how language acquisition works. And as children learn more of the world . When our cat India died, my daughter asked if our family pet was in a museum now.