Do Not Hold On To Resentment

Have you found yourself in such an explosive scenario? For instance, your partner does something that angers or offends you, and the next thing you do is to bottle up your anger. But then your partner observes that something is wrong and then begins to inquire by asking questions or forcing you to speak up. But that irritates you even more. If you have, how can you control your anger in situations? Before you learn how to control your anger you should know that giving in to anger can damage your health and relationship. When you fail to manage your anger effectively, you are increasing your risk of high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, and stroke. So whenever you find yourself in an explosive situation, giving in to anger can lead to harm. Conversely, suppressing your anger can also cause some damage to you. Suppressing your anger can make it get worse and even fester. When anger is allowed to fester, it can cause damage to you from the inside. Such damage can be in the form of making you become critical or even cynical. Such qualities would make you hard to live with and that could seriously damage your relationship. What we are saying is that Giving in to anger can be as damaging as suppressing your anger.

Making  Believe

Making Believe

So what can you do when your partner or spouse makes you angry? How can you control your anger and effectively communicate it without damaging your relationship or causing harm to your partner or more harm to yourself? When you feel upset or angry over what your partner has said or done and there find yourself in an explosive situation, one of the best tricks is to pause before reacting. During your explosive moment, you may notice your heart is pounding and you feel like screaming at your spouse. No, stop, don’t yell! Do whatever it takes to avoid screaming and saying or doing something that you will later regret when you are calm. Take time out to calm yourself enough to think about what you are angry about before you speak. For some, slamming the door and extending the silent treatment is their first option when they feel slighted. True, going silent may calm you down temporarily, but it is likely to increase your spouse’s anxiety or anger. Still, it doesn’t mean that you have to sit down and solve a problem during your explosive moments or during a really heated argument that is getting out of hand. But, it doesn’t mean that you should hurriedly zoom out of the driveway, neither does it mean that you should or just walk away. Instead, you should consider telling your spouse that you need some time out to calm down and organize your thinking. Let your spouse know that you consider it important to work out the difference between the both of you. Please note that while it is important for you to respectfully take a timeout in the event of explosive anger to think and then come back at an appropriate time, it is equally important to consider how much time is appropriate for you to think and come back to your partner. In the same vein, if your spouse is the one who gives you the silent treatment for hurting them one way or another, and you can’t seem to make them talk to you at the moment, you can let them know that you’re ready to share your thinking and work together with them whenever they are ready.

Don't Run Away

Do not try to force them or threaten them to reconcile with you at that moment. Doing so is likely to backfire and cause them to retreat even more. You should speak about your frustration only when you are calm and sure that your anger is now within your control, and when you speak, it is fine to be assertive, but do not make confrontational remarks. It is easier to calm ourselves than to calm others during explosive or tense situations. This is so because while we can effectively manage our thoughts behaviors, and emotions, we cannot control their thoughts, behaviors, or emotions. As a result, we should realize that being calm is much more effective than trying to calm others, and when you can stay focused on managing your own anxiety and reactions, you are giving your partner the space to manage and control theirs too. So, one way to control and deal with anger in your relationship is to focus on managing yourself first rather than always thinking about focusing on your partner’s anger. Look for your partner’s good qualities. Identify and make a list of some things like good qualities that you admire about your mate. So, when next you get angry at what your partner says or does, think about the good qualities of your partner that you identified. This may well help you control your emotions. Own your anger and whenever you feel slighted, always remind yourself that your anger belongs to you and that it is telling you something about yourself.

What Happens Tomorrow?

Bear in mind that though your anger is often directed at your spouse, it’s always more about you than about your mate. You can have reasonable complaints and excuses about your spouse’s actions, but the emotion of anger is absolutely yours and yours alone. Try to view matters from your partner’s perspective. Doing so will help you to develop fellow feeling for your partner. Remember how powerful a tool forgiveness is a powerful tool in resolving conflicts and sustaining relationships. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to overwhelm positive feelings, you might find yourself engrossed in your own bitterness. But if you can forgive your partner whenever they anger you, you and your partner might both learn from the situation and then strengthen your relationship. In time, you begin to manifest physical apprehension and nervousness whenever you have physical contact or dealings with the distrusted partner. Trust is a feeling of pure security.