Did I Not Have Any Value?

Build and protect your positive energy. It seemed that the odds were against us. I was angry and confused that my endless prayers weren’t answered. Wasn’t I good enough to have my prayers answered? Did I not have any value? All of the negative beliefs that had begun in childhood, and peppered my soul throughout my teen years and adulthood, came with a vengeance. They hit me with a force that knocked me down for a long time. The dark, conniving voices whispered nearly continually that I didn’t matter, I didn’t have worth, and nobody cared about me. I believed the lies. I thought they were true. There came a point when I felt such an overwhelming sense of worthlessness, that I truly believed everyone would be better off without me. I believed there was simply something wrong with me. The inner voices were very convincing. Fortunately, something told me not to give up yet.

Bang Your Drum

I had hit my rock bottom and I wanted to climb back up. I wanted to see my children grow up. I wanted to meet the grandchildren I would have someday. I prayed to know that I was loved. I prayed to know that I mattered. On a particularly difficult day, the only thing that got me out of bed was that our dog needed to be walked. I also knew that getting outside and exercising would help lift my mood, which would help me be there for my kids. Suddenly, I had a thought sweep over me. He loved me enough to die for me. There’s no greater love than that! I did matter to them. I also knew that one of the adversary’s greatest tools is to try to take away our sense of worth and identity. If he can convince us that we don’t have value and that we are failures, it can stop us from progressing and blessing the lives of others.

Don't Hide Inside Yourself

It prevents us from living our purpose. It stops us from having joy. I finally realized that my worth wasn’t determined by my results, or by how others treated me. That’s all that mattered. I put a renewed effort into my daily devotions. Meaningful scripture study every day was a must. I prayed to know my purpose and for guidance to live that purpose fully each day. However, I noticed that each time I renewed my commitment to become better and live my purpose, it wouldn’t be long before I would be hit with something that would test the very thing I was trying to overcome. But now I recognized it as something that was there to make me grow stronger so that I could help others. I knew how to learn the lessons from my struggles to get maximum growth quickly. I learned different tools to shift my energy more quickly. I did an inventory on the belongings in our home and got rid of anything that didn’t serve a positive purpose or contribute to the family culture that we had decided we wanted.

Where I End And They Begin

I taught my children the skills to keep negative thoughts out, and then helped them memorize scriptures and powerful declarations that helped them feel their worth and purpose. My husband also joined us in this positive shift. He is a great example to our family in staying positive through trials, and has found a job he enjoys that provides for the family. We’ve also been able to move to a larger home in an area that we’ve always loved. I decided to become a presenter so I could share the things I was learning with as many people as possible. I became a coach and mentor so I could help people with their individual struggles and challenges. I developed classes, programs, and resources to help families have more joy and love in their homes and in their individual lives. Even though I am finding success in sharing my message and helping others, I am careful not to let that define me, just as I don’t let my failures define me anymore. Sure, I still have setbacks and down days. But, I don’t let those days define me as a failure, and I use the lessons I learned to make the next day a little better. That is my definition of success. I’m sure we’ve all had those days that not only felt less than joyful, they felt downright miserable. How do we shift from miserable to joyful? It’s not always easy. But, it is possible. Honor the struggle and release the emotions. Sometimes in our busy lives we have a tendency to push our feelings and struggles aside or bury them. Don’t leave those feelings buried. Validate the fact that you are hurting, angry, or that you’ve had a bad day, then get those feelings out. You can do this by writing your feelings down on paper, then destroying the paper. You can shout out your feelings to your steering wheel, or other inanimate object. Get them out another way first. Then, if you need to talk about it to someone, at least they won’t get the full brunt of negativity. Begin each day with a routine that brings lots of positive energy. Connect with your higher power in prayer or meditation. Listen to uplifting music. You do these things each morning, it helps protect you from the negativity that will show up during the day. Know what your triggers are and have an action plan in place so that when something shows up, you know what to do. When something triggers me, I usually put on some music, and when possible, I go for a walk or run. This usually shifts my mood quickly. Get out a piece of paper and write down everything you learned from your struggle or trial. Don’t fall into victim mode. Learn the lesson and become a victor. Get into a state of gratitude. If you’re not in the habit of keeping a gratitude journal, start one now.