A Lonely Life Of Struggle

Once you have those new thoughts and feelings, ask yourself, What is one new action I can take that makes this even more of a reality? And take that step. Once you get to your goal, feel it. If it doesn’t light you up, it may be too small or incomplete. Rest for a while, then retest it. See if anything needs adjustment. Don’t worry if something doesn’t feel right at first. Just adjust, like Goldilocks, until everything feels just right. The new step may in turn lead to another new thought and then another new feeling. Now you are not only resolving issues, you are also building dreams. The bigger truth is that you give voice to your system, though most of the time you don’t notice it. Passed along from the mouths of our ancestors, words slip happily out of newer mouths, wondering if the brain will alter them enough to transform our perceived limitations into wisdom and illumination. Your language is key to cracking the wonder of you.

The Answer's At The End

The words we speak and think not only shape our daily interactions, they also shape our lives. Words mold our reality on an individual and also global level, creating war and peace, castes and creeds, hope and despair, joy and sorrow. Your disease is gone. You have the right to vote. Everyday heroes and people who excel intentionally use words to create the thoughts, feelings, and actions that support what they want to be and do. There are no mistakes, only opportunities, says actress Tina Fey. I am the greatest, said world champion boxer Muhammad Ali. You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough, said Abraham Lincoln. Examine the way unhappy, unsuccessful people talk, and you hear words and sentences of doom over and over again. I knew I couldn’t do it. There’s just no winning. I’m always the slow one.

Of A Lifetime

I’m too stupid to understand. Instead of lighting a fire of inspiration that sets them free, they constantly feed the flames that make them burn with shame, anger, and guilt, condemning themselves to living lives that are deeply unsatisfying. Any systemic sentence that drags you down and keeps you stuck is a sentence of doom because it dooms you to more of the same. Patience is a virtue until it isn’t. No pain, no gain is the perfect setup for a life of continued suffering. Asking for help is a sign of weakness destines us to a lonely life of struggle and effort. The good news is that words and sentences of doom can also serve as our liberators because they contain the seeds for identifying and stopping limiting patterns in their tracks once we see and acknowledge them. Seeing it and acknowledging its existence are unbelievably powerful. Just as admitting I’m an addict isn’t a declaration of failure, admitting to a systemic sentence of doom is a declaration of what is. It identifies the truth of what’s going on and calls it by name, allowing investigation into how it has been created and how it can be disentangled and transcended. Once you accurately voice and acknowledge the sentences of doom that have plagued you for so long, the things you’ve been telling yourself on a loop can no longer continue to stealthily create the truth that defines you. The pattern has been seen and acknowledged.

Playing With Fire

It has been ghostbusted. Kevin is a perfect example. Every day he told himself he must work hard. His sentence of doom? A real man works until he drops to give his family a good life. It was a line he learned from both his father and grandfather, who both worked until they were in their eighties. They seldom took a day’s vacation, and both dropped dead from heart attacks. His grandfather had lost everything in the Great Depression but rebuilt a decent life for the family through sheer slog. His father fared a little better but was always terrified they would lose it all. Kevin’s family, on the other hand, had a great life. He had positioned their life so he could retire if he wanted, but his sentence of doom was condemning him to repeat his father and grandfather’s fate. Kevin’s anxiety was high, and his doctor warned him that the stress and overwork were going to kill him. I’m afraid we may lose everything! I have to be prepared! Kevin said as his fists clenched and sweat broke out on his forehead. The acknowledgment was clear. So, what’s the actual truth of your situation? I asked him. My financial advisors tell me we have enough for me to retire and live the good life until I’m about one hundred and ten, he admitted. Just saying that out loud, Kevin started laughing. Then he broke down in tears as he realized he had been speaking his father’s and grandfather’s words, and that they didn’t belong in his mouth. A real man works until he drops was a sentence that had ignited his work ethic and produced real wealth, and for that, he said, he was truly thankful. But that was the past. The words were no longer true. Often the words and sentences we hold in our minds, locking our bodies into certain emotions, are specters that rattle around like ghosts going bump in the night, holding us in fear as hostages to the past. Can you tell me how you feel about your current circumstances and all the hard work you’re doing? I’m exhausted, he said. All the men in my family were exhausted. He exhaled heavily, closed his eyes, and his shoulders drooped. For a moment I thought he was going to fall asleep. Then he opened his eyes and said, This is killing me too. Aha! Even more powerful acknowledgment of what the reality was outside his systemic trance. All on his own, he came to what is called his sentences of resolution. I can’t do it anymore. My family has a good life.