When Did You Choose The Direction You Are Going In Now?

Make sure the relationships you invest in are balanced. They are keys to a brighter future. Don’t just give more or try harder when the other can’t or doesn’t reciprocate. If you are not both working on the relationship, look at your balance of give and receive and question the pattern you are creating. Enjoy your relationships, build on them, and invest in them. Many times, we unconsciously migrate limiting patterns from our personal relationships to our professional life and then wonder why we struggle with our career. Understanding your personal relationships and their effects enables you to transfer that same insight to building strong business relationships. But the universe is elegant and generous. There are other systems available to help us develop relationship skill sets, and the workplace is rich with opportunities to grow. In business you have to be good at the job, and you are expected to succeed in order to rise up. The mandate is to evolve. We are allowed and even encouraged to excel and be the bigger versions of ourselves, and that permission enables us to bypass limiting family system thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Higher Ground

It allows us to test different ways to relate. Sometimes what you learn in your career helps you resolve an issue in your personal life and vice versa, leapfrogging you forward in terms of success, growth, and fulfillment. I had a client whose father had told him as a child that only extroverts attain top positions. Because Mateo understood himself to be an introvert, he determined early on that he was unlikely to succeed in the business world and should settle for a supporting role. Basically, he was doomed. Mateo shared that people trusted him and often wished he would speak out more. When he realized his belief that introverts come second, which derived from his dad, was limiting his relationships with his business peers and seniors, he knew he had to give culture and business each their own space. After thinking it through, it dawned on him that he could use his introspective nature to observe, evaluate, and then speak out clearly and inspirationally when needed. He reframed his thoughts to accept that introverts can be thoughtful and insightful leaders. He also realized that his culturally inspired politeness enabled him to question and challenge people in ways that invited interaction rather than defensiveness. A limiting pattern is only limiting for as long as you let its shadow side prevail. There is always an upside waiting for you to discover and use.

That's The Way It Goes

For Mateo it came down to reframing his inherited limiting language and flipping the taboos into strengths that served him and others. You give service and you receive compensation. As a more junior person, you are likely to operate within the space of transactional relationships. At the lower levels of business, you get to know who is important, who can assist you, and what you need to do to connect and move. It is often more about who you know than what you know. You give your skills and enthusiasm, and those around you give you attention and mentoring. You give first by serving the needs of others, and in return you receive wisdom, mentoring, and lasting relationships. Visionary leaders are known for their ability to connect. They consciously develop that skill set. When you access and express higher emotions in business, magic happens. You make work a pleasure and thus become the person that others seek out, work with, and invest in. This is a life hack of sorts that gives you an edge.

Deep In The Hole

When I work with corporate leaders, I ask them every time we meet, Did you go the extra mile and make magic this week? It’s one of those life freebies that gets you further up the ladder of success. Good vibes cost you nothing, everybody benefits, and the additional payoff is that being enthusiastic and joyful feels good! In business, when we say your network is your net worth, we’re not kidding. But transactional relationships can only take you so far. It’s the transformational relationships that take you all the way and create fulfillment. To have those and to be the go to person people love to have on their team, you want to work on your history and multigenerational patterns and move beyond the perceived limitations of your current system and into joy. In business you want to make sure you are setting yourself up to elevate beyond transactional business relationships. You want to continuously open the doors to more transformational dynamics. For this steppingstone I want you to take stock of your business relationships and be aware of whether they are transactional or transformational. Be aware that people do business with people, not just their capabilities. Think about your job, career, or calling. When did you choose the direction you are going in now? Can you remember the defining moment or event? Did you unconsciously choose a career that would include or exclude certain groups of people? For example, people who enter the health fields often see themselves as someone who helps others. If you chose your line of work as a way to stay small or invisible in alignment with a limiting systemic program or to simply survive, chances are that your choice has set up patterns that keep you in transactional situations. Not much is possible for me, and in this job, I won’t ever be asked to be too much? Or did you think something like, I have something to offer. I can make my mark and be seen here. Notice the difference? Did you take a position because nothing else was available? While there’s nothing wrong with doing either, these kinds of choices can set up an empty relationship with yourself that affects your business relationships because the best of who you are isn’t showing up. Look at what you learned about business relationships growing up. Notice how you’ve typecast yourself into certain roles, limitations, and possibilities.