Euphoria Does Not Last

I have experienced an insistent, uncontrollable desire. Raising a tearstained face, I howled louder and asked, between sobs, how she could possibly buy something so useless while denying me something so educational and useful. Back went the purse. I got Just like Daddy. The hawker’s children, I presume, got dinner. Dissension ruined what should have been a pleasant family outing. My parents withdrew from me in a marked manner, but I was too thrilled to care. But it was a memory. I remembered clearly what I felt then, but I didn’t feel it anymore. Just like Daddy now left me cold. I didn’t not want it. I didn’t think about it, and it had no hold of any kind on me.

That Means a Lot

You can readily think of similar examples in your own life. Can you recall a toy that you desperately desired that no longer has any hold on you? Or a former boyfriend about whom you were once passionate, and who now stirs no feelings at all? So, would you rather get what you want? Or would you rather outgrow it? Brij was the leader of a gang of brigands, dangerous and brutal. There was much blood on his hands and a price on his head, but so fearsome was his reputation that no one attempted to apprehend him. He saw a holy man and somehow knew that the sage had something of great value. He knew that he had to get that thing. One day, when Brij was walking alone in the jungle, he chanced across a traveler and instantly recognized the holy man of his dream. He promptly knocked the man down with his stave and dealt him a few blows to soften him up. Give it to me now! he screamed. Where are you hiding the treasure? In vain did the holy man protest that he had no treasure. The brigand searched his meager belongings. His bag had some food that was examined and thrown away. There were some stones and a few small silver ornaments, and the brigand pocketed the latter.

Think for Yourself

They were not particularly valuable but offered some recompense for his effort. He searched diligently, even tearing the traveler’s slippers and breaking his water pot. When he found nothing, he beat the holy man a few more times in frustration and walked away. He had barely gone a dozen yards when he heard a feeble voice behind him calling him back. Perhaps this is what you were looking for, my son, said the holy man, and he held up one of the stones the brigand had thrown away. Brij grabbed it, hit the man again for good measure, and departed. A few months later, he was in a nearby town and, on a whim, visited the town jeweler and asked him to look at the stone. Where did you get this? asked the jeweler in astonishment. It was an uncut diamond of great value. The jeweler offered him a princely sum, but Brij did not sell that stone. He borrowed against it and bribed the police and politicians to forget about his past. He set up a trading business and it flourished, making him a wealthy man.

A Wolf At The Door

His caravans went to distant countries, bringing back exotic foods and unimagined luxuries. He married and begat children and became a prosperous citizen, with his days of crime far behind him. But his sleep was fitful, and there was something missing in his life. He saw the same holy man and once more knew that the man had something of value that he had to get. The dream came with increasing frequency, and the former brigand knew that he would encounter the sage again. Sure enough, the next week he came across the holy man making his way through the marketplace, leaning heavily on a stick. Is it my doing that his leg is crooked, the trader wondered guiltily. Hurrying over, he greeted the holy man with great respect and begged him to visit his house. Brij served him food with his own hands and fanned him while he rested. He observed that the holy man had no wrinkles, and his skin was as smooth as a baby’s. There was ineffable peace on his face even when in repose. When the other woke and was ready to resume his journey, the trader fell at his feet and begged him to share the treasure. My son, you already took the treasure the last time we met, the holy man remarked, his eyes twinkling. Do you not remember? Rushing into his house, he returned with the stone he had preserved and held it out to the sage. This was the bauble I stole from you, sobbed the merchant. Holy One, please accept this back and give me the real treasure you possess. What do you desire, my child? queried the sage. Give me that which enabled you to give the stone away so freely. For a moment you are on a peak, and the vista is gorgeous. You feel like an emperor. This euphoria does not last. There is always another thing that you suddenly need. One by one, these longings take possession of you and flay you with whips as they goad you onto a treadmill that moves ever faster. You don’t have to do anything. The passage of a few years will do the trick. But can you really outgrow the things for which you now feel an insistent demand? Can you really shed the desires that have their long jagged claws in your mind? And will the void not be instantly replaced with a desire for still other things? Visualize the situation you were in as clearly as you can and what problems were troubling you then. What were the things you desperately wanted? Create as accurate a picture as you can of what your inner life was like then. Use your memory and refer to journals or diaries from that time if you have them.