Is It Really As Bad As This?

Is it really as bad as this? Ben Hur has a keen eye for his horses’ individual strengths and wins them over with affection. You too preside over a charger that takes you into rough terrain and throws you off. It is a strapping creature that takes you on journeys you would rather not have taken, but there is nothing you can do about it. I’m talking about your mind, that maelstrom of unruly emotions that resides between your ears and is constantly goading you to do something, then something else, and then something else that is different from the first two somethings. Wonder if she’s married. No ring, but that doesn’t mean anything these days. Maybe she has a boyfriend. I’d love to go out with her, but someone that beautiful probably has men in line, and the waiting list closed two years ago. Even if I did get a date with her, with my luck, I’d probably discover she’s a lesbian. That’s what happened with Amy. She married that investment banker. How could anyone marry such a twerp? If ever Medusa saw him, she’d be the one to turn to stone.

Contrasting Views

Wonder if he knows she’s gay. She only married him because he’s loaded. Still in his thirties and he already has a summer home and a winter home and a regular place in the city, and I bet his bonus was eight figures. With luck, she’ll get it all in the divorce and then get hooked on cocaine. Serve them both right. They stay awake at night figuring out new ways to rip off consumers, and when they get tired of that, they keep in practice by coming up with new ways to rip off the government. And the government raises my taxes to bail them out. Happens because all the politicos are on the make. Look at their contributor lists, full of morons from the financial service companies. It’s just a marketplace, and if you have enough money, you can buy anything. They’re all thieves, but some of them are bright, so they simply add zeroes to the amount they get away with. Maybe I should join them, since I sure as hell can’t lick them.

That's The Way It Is

I want the money, but I don’t want to be part of that stinking profession. Maybe it’d be worth it if I could get someone that gorgeous to go out with me. I’ll grab the bag and take it to her. She saw it was missing and came back. I could still go over and say hello. What if she snubbed me? What if I told her I was the casting director for the next Steven Spielberg film? Or should I simply be a scout for Ford or Wilhelmina or one of the big modeling agencies? She’s gone and I’ll never see her again. I have all these brilliant ideas, and then somehow I don’t do anything about them. Why do I always procrastinate? My father had the same thing, and I bet he passed it on to me. Guess I’ll just have to live with humdrum mediocrity. I bet you have some variation of this monologue going on in your head all the time. Much of it is destructive because you run yourself down unmercifully. And it is totally out of control.

Blue Turns To Grey

Go back to Ben Hur and watch the footage of the chariots tumbling and crashing. That’s exactly what’s happening to you. It’s actually worse. No, I’m probably understating it. Do you browse the Internet randomly, clicking on links you have no real interest in? Do you feel uneasy if you simply sit down for a while with nothing to do and no intention of doing it anyway? Do you have a horrible feeling that time is slipping away and you haven’t done as much as you should? Very few last the recommended half hour. Many say they feel as if their head is ready to explode. Try this for yourself before you pass judgment. It is a simple task but by no means easy. You like to think of yourself as a free person, and freedom is a virtue you probably prize highly. You define freedom as the absence of external restraints. How free are you really if you can’t be with yourself for a half hour, if you can’t sit quietly for a mere thirty minutes? As the saying goes, the mind is a terrible master but a splendid servant. A horse that will enable you to win the race. Put your feet up if you like, and relax your entire body. Just observe them as they flit in and out. See how many there are and how disjointed, how they arrive and dissipate and feed on each other. See how many times you run yourself down in some subtle fashion. See how often you are critical of others. Observe how strongly opinionated you are. Think of this as an alternative to a visit to the movies. It is vastly more entertaining and costs a lot less. You’re upset because you have a toxic boss who constantly runs you down. The problems are all outside. It was still early when there was a loud knock on the door. Who could possibly be calling at this hour? April glanced out from the upstairs bedroom window. There were two men on the stoop outside. She could not see their faces because they wore regulation headgear. Both were in uniform. Some unseen hand seemed to have removed all the bones from her body and replaced them with sawdust. She couldn’t breathe. With a great effort, she pulled herself together and rushed downstairs, unmindful that she had lost one of her slippers. Her outstretched belly, bursting with the life that would shortly emerge, banged against the handrail, but she didn’t heed it in her haste. She flung open the door and stood there panting. Worry lines creased her face as she looked at the men questioningly and asked them in.