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Letting Your Emotion Control You

on February 05, 2022

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Criticism has its place in a relationship. Sometimes, during a conversation, your partner might say or do something that would upset you, or say something you disagree with. Instead of interrupting your partner, it would be wise to just take a moment to catch your deep breath and calm down your reaction, process what you want to say, and as you try to speak, be mindful of your tone bearing in mind that you don’t want to kick your partner out of the conversation. If you do so, you are likely to only maintain a fierce and combative discussion. As your partner is speaking, you should pay constant attention to where your mind is, making sure to retrace your thoughts back to them at the moment if you ever observe that you are thinking of something else, something that may damage or ruin your discussion. We sometimes find ourselves making wrong conclusions based on a perceived error. When our partner fails in just one area or task or makes a single mistake, we tend to conclude by predicting an endless pattern of failure in all areas or tasks. This results in accusing our partners unfairly and using words like you always and you never. The thing is, it is wrong to accuse your partner of not doing or doing something always. When you do this, it is only natural for your partner to want to defend themselves when they should actually be listening to you speak and working as one to look for the best way forward. This will only compound your problem and make matters worse for both of you. During a conversation between your partner and you, your partner might say or do something that would hurt your feelings and get you triggered.

Cross My Heart

Cross My Heart

When triggered, we often have trouble communicating clearly and expressing ourselves the way we really intend to. When we are triggered, our next reaction is most likely to defend, condemn, criticize or even attack our spouse instead of clearly and effectively communicating our wants, needs, or desires. This could be injurious. If you find yourself in this situation, what can you do to arrest the situation? It is common and easy to make assumptions about someone you know very well. This can also happen in a relationship or marriage. But, truth is that even if you have been married or have been together for a long time, you can still wrongly assume that you understand your partner’s perspective. Hence, being inquisitive and asking questions is important. When this happens, many couples tend to stop saying things that they used to say when their relationship was still very young. This act is not healthy for your relationship. Assume that your partner does not already know these issues, even though you might have discussed them before. Do not allow your communication to fade, when communication in relationship fades, everything else follows. When it is constructed with the right delivery, with love, it usually has positive impacts on a relationship.

Gone Too Soon

But then which criticism is excessive, and often constructed with the wrong delivery, it becomes an insidious attitude that comes into our relationship and eats at the core of our identity. In a relationship, criticism is delivered in the wrong way when the critical partner focuses on the mistakes of the other partner in a judgmental manner. Criticism is harmful to a relationship. It can wash away positive feelings over time and then lead to many more problems that are cable of destroying that connection. A critical spouse would always be disapproving, blaming, correcting, or fixing. When you observe you are about to become critical of your wife or husband, it is better to take a step back, regroup, and refuel. Am I doing something upsetting or something that is inconsiderate that I should actually be considering? You are selfish, it would be better and encouraging to say I would appreciate it if you could help with planning our next trip. Here, we are referring to the act of talking to your spouse/partner in a way that shows a superior attitude. A when you speak to your partner in a condescending way, you talk to them as if they were a toddler. In a way, you are saying that you are superior, better, or more intelligent than your partner. This often makes them feel bad and discouraged. It can also shut the door to further communication.

Keep The Faith

This does not mean that you should not be honest with your partner. Apparently, you should be honest with them. So, don’t talk down to your partner, even if you feel that your partner is being ridiculous. Instead of focusing on the flaws of your partner, you should focus on those qualities of your partner that attracted your partner to you, that way, you can avoid being overly critical and judgmental. The way you present a matter often has more weight and impact on the listener than what you are actually presenting. Sarcasm, yelling and a harsh tone are all signs of insensitivity. When one is insensitive, they often show a lack of concern and respect for the feelings of other people. They are completely immersed in their own thoughts needs, thoughts, and desires. Yelling, for example, is not healthy for your relationship. Trust me, both of you do not need either of these. As far as communication is concerned, relationships need an atmosphere of vulnerability that will allow couples to discuss their emotions. But when you are yelling at your partner or your partner is yelling at you, then it does not make either of you vulnerable, you end up venting your anger and emotions by saying bad and hurtful things to your partner. When this happens, you might end up damaging your connection, your bond. If you become angry during a conversation or any other time in your relationship, remember the damaging effect of being insensitive, and then take time to calm down before engaging in a discussion with your spouse.

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