Spiritual Dimension Of Healing

How might you take a similar step? He told her that he knew what he did was wrong and that he regretted it and that he was sincerely sorry, and promised her that if she would come back, he would make certain that it would never happen again. Robbie said, Right now, I am so confused I don’t know what to do. I am not usually this dogmatic, but I said to Robbie, I can tell you what to do. Continue to stay at your mother’s until Gene has had extensive counseling to deal with this problem. When the counselor assures you that he has thoroughly worked through this problem, then the two of you can begin to go for marriage counseling. My guess is that Gene’s individual counseling will need to last at least six to nine months. The marriage counseling may last almost as long. To go back to your husband without thoroughly dealing with the problem is almost certainly to assure that the abuse will happen again. If Gene sincerely wants to deal with the problem, he will go for the counseling and will also give you and your daughter financial assistance while you are living with your mother. If he is not willing to follow through with his counseling and if he seeks to place the blame on you or to manipulate you into coming back by withholding finances, you will know that there can be no reconciliation until his attitude and behavior changes. Why was I so dogmatic with Robbie? Because research has shown that a father who has abused multiple children over a long period of time will not change his behavior simply because someone catches him. He may cry, he may express sorrow, he may make promises, but none of these can be taken at face value.

Beast Of Burden

His actions will speak louder than his words. If he goes for counseling, then there is hope for healing and reconciliation. If he is not willing to go for counseling, there will be no healing. The greatest thing that Robbie can do for her husband is to practice tough love, and the greatest thing she can do for her daughters is to let them see her doing it. She and her daughters have their own homework to do. Each of the daughters needs counseling and that counseling should involve the mother, because chances are the daughters have resentment toward Robbie for allowing this to happen. She may not have known what was going on, but I can almost guarantee you that in their minds, they feel she is somewhat responsible. Dealing with the issues thoroughly at this stage in their lives is far better than glossing over the problem and hoping that the scars of abuse will not show up in their marriages. Unless there is genuine deep healing, the abuse will most certainly have a detrimental effect upon their future relationships. I don’t know what happened to Robbie, her husband, or her daughters. I have seen relationships between daughters and fathers renewed. But I have never seen this happen if the abuser is not willing to deal openly, honestly, and thoroughly with his or her problem.

Show Some Emotion

The spiritual dimension of healing is very important. The acknowledging of moral boundaries and accepting responsibility for breaking these boundaries form an important part of the healing process. However, religious teachings must never be used to rush a victim to premature and surface forgiveness, and religious conversion must never be used as a quick solution to an abuser’s problem. Conversion sets in motion positive changes, but it does not solve all problems immediately. Religious conversion can chart the course for healing, but abusers and victims still have to make the journey a day at a time. Breaking the barriers of denial, guilt, shame, anger, and fear must precede healing. All of this begins with a single step. Someone must reach out for help. Such a statement usually is made only by someone whose marriage has already died and/or someone who is already involved with someone else and is subconsciously trying to find a way to end the marriage. It has to do with integrity and character. It is tied to our emotional need for love. It grows out of a person’s desire for an exclusive relationship with someone who will not only value her above all others, but also someone to whom she can be fully and totally committed.

Pieces Of Dreams

It is this inner sense of commitment that gives stability to marriage. Infidelity strikes at the heart of marital unity. Though each of these is somewhat different, they all are devastating to marital intimacy. Hurt, anger, bitterness, the sense of being betrayed, shame, and perhaps some measure of guilt may all rush to the surface. He was the picture of health, and I supposed that his bronze skin and handsome physique caught the eyes of many women. He was devoted to his wife, Joanna, to whom he had been married for fifteen years. They met in the huge college. The early years of their marriage had been exciting for both of them, but more recently he felt a growing distance developing between them. And while the other man had now left the state and declared the relationship finished, Raphael’s wife felt heartbroken. She was still emotionally bonded to the man from work. At times, she felt extremely guilty for what she had done. Raphael had been a good husband. At other times, she knew that she would do it again given the same circumstances. Even now, if her lover called, she would probably get on the first plane to New York. Raphael was not totally surprised by Joanna’s confession. He knew that things had not been right between them for some time. Still, he felt crushed at the thought of her being in the arms of another man. He felt anger toward the other man and pity for Joanna that she had allowed herself to be pulled into such a relationship.