You Need To Take Off All This Pressure From Yourself

Learn to slow down, and relish the spotlight that is on you when you are talking. Let’s return to the example with you as a computer programmer approaching that beauty in the cafe. You made an assumption that she was an art student. I know nothing about Psychology, but when i think about it, I think of crazy patients, crazy old men with pipes and weird science experiments on people. If you keep following this rule, you will never run out of things to say since she is always giving you the topic to talk about with every reply she gives you. As you can clearly see now, none of this is conversational gold, and that’s the very point. You need to take off all this pressure you place on yourself to perform miraculous feats of conversational wizardry. Status is the second level of attraction, just under masculine energy. There is also another simple, but powerful technique that allows you to appear high status, and when you incorporate it into your conversations it will change the way everyone experiences you, forever. He analysed thousands of student’s emails, tweets, private messages and conversations, to look for psychological and social patterns. The higher a person’s status, the less they used I pronouns. Pennebaker said of this discovery, This is the language of power and status.

Always Suffering

Now, we did this research where we went through, analysed their poetry, and initially, I thought, Well, the big difference is going to be the degree that they use negative emotion words. Not true. What I had discovered through my own trial and error was now confirmed by academic research. This caused us to coin The 90/10 Rule, which dictates that you need to make sure you are spending roughly 90% of your time talking about her, and only 10% about yourself, which gives you some slack to answer any specific questions that she asks. The majority of your focus needs to be on her. What is now obvious to me, is incredibly counterintuitive to most men who have been led to believe that the way to come across as interesting to women is to try to impress them with their virtues, merits and accomplishments. His biggest problem talking to women was that he wouldn’t stop talking about himself. He believed that his possessions, achievements and success was what made him valuable to women, so always took every opportunity to bring it all up. Despite his seemingly attractive life, no woman would give him her number. The reason was, as Pennebaker has proven, that the more he talked about himself, even if it was about high value things, the more he just came across as low status. When you talk about yourself, you are essentially trying to prove yourself to the woman. You are justifying yourself to her, which is something only a lower status person does.

Deadly Sins

Counter to what you would imagine, you would be surprised the amount of times I have started to enter a woman’s phone number into my phone, only for her to say I don’t even know your name. In fact, I might not have even told her what I do for a job. Try to talk about yourself as little as possible, without coming off like you’re trying to avoid it, or hide something. If she asks you what you do, tell her, just don’t go overboard. Answer her questions, then spin the conversation back round to her as soon as you can. Whenever I hear myself talking about myself, I can literally feel my status dropping the more I speak. Just make sure as soon as the conversation is up and running that you limit talking about yourself as much as you can. If you are starting conversations in the way I am teaching, you should be getting into some pleasant conversations where women are happy to talk to you for a short time, maybe a minute or two at most, before they make their excuses to leave. The reason that they don’t want to continue the interaction and politely wish to leave is because we haven’t done anything to demonstrate our Closed archetypes yet, so women will grow bored of you pretty fast. The most common cause for women reacting negatively is what I call murder face. It’s the strained, unhappy look we tend to have on our face when we’re nervous, or super focused. We may even think we’re smiling, but in reality we just look angry.

Keep Talking

If you’re approaching women with your murderface on then it will be incredibly difficult to start a conversation. So many men are scared of offending women, or seeming rude or impolite, that they approach them timidly, delicately, like they’re trying to get the attention of a hungry, fire breathing dragon. You may also suffer from the same affliction that a large number of my students suffer from, which is fear of other people noticing, and judging you negatively. You are so afraid of this that you want to approach in a way where only she will hear. It may seem counterintuitive, but trust me when I tell you that the quieter you are, the creepier you sound. Think how a guy would approach a woman if his intention was to mug her. The last thing he would want is to draw attention to himself. The more confident you sound, the more safe she will feel in your company. They all have to discover for themselves what happens when you approach busy women in an apologetic way. If you want a challenge, but if you’re new at this, don’t do it. Old habits die hard, and for guys that are used to speaking fast, when they approach beautiful women who look busy it only exacerbates the problem. Because of the value she has to you, and the lack of value you feel in comparison, you instinctively want to take up as little of her time as possible, and get to the point with your opener.