Age And Stage Of Development

Such a difficult situation for families who are all grieving at once may require help from extended family and friends, or from professionals. When your mandala is complete, draw and release some deep breaths to connect with its energy and beauty. Take a photo or make sure it is glued in place. Reflect on the experience of creating your mandala, on the representations of your loved one and yourself, and on other key aspects of your creation. If you wish, you might use your journal to record the meaning you see in your mandala. Blow out your candle. Return the remaining leaves and flowers back to nature. Know you can revisit your mandala and your journal at any time. Depending on the ages of the children, this can make demands on your body, mind, and spirit, and require high levels of empathy and patience. Accepting help with grace can ensure that your family has more resources on which to draw. There is no perfect balance, so the challenge is to acknowledge the load you are all carrying and recognize that everyone is doing their best in difficult circumstances. Needs change and we all have good and bad days.

A Hole In The World

It is important to listen to what children are saying, what they aren’t saying, and even more importantly to see past their words, to the ways they behave. If we can be curious rather than critical, we will be able to offer them more. One of the heartaches of grief is seeing our loved ones grieving, and there is nothing we can do to prevent their pain and suffering. Coming to terms with that is a challenge, and we need to be kind to ourselves. Acknowledge your efforts in difficult circumstances. The loss of a loved one is a challenge for an adult, and we can imagine that for children and adolescents the implications are greater and the internal resources fewer. They need us to meet them where they are, rather than expecting them to behave in a particular way. Children may express a wide sweep of emotions including sadness and anxiety, while at other times, they can shut down with a lack of emotion. You may notice some confusion or lack of concentration and motivation in your grieving children. Your child may have some physical symptoms of grief and display changes in habits, particularly around food and sleep. Grief may reduce your child’s ability to regulate behaviour, and they may regress to previous stages of development. You may observe changes in your child’s social patterns and dependencies, with increased questioning and need for reassurance.

Code Of Silence

Sadly, many children will experience a bereavement and their response may be affected by a number of factors. Take time for extra cuddles and, if you can, seek support for you and your baby from family and friends. Language like gone to sleep or gone away can cause children confusion, as at this stage of life they usually find it hard to understand the permanence of death. The child may swing from curiosity about all kinds of details to seeming unconcerned. Watch for changes in sleep, mood, and appetite, and offer comfort and reassurance. They may wish to know details of how and why the death has occurred. Try to be honest with them using clear language and providing enough detail to help them develop their own accurate understanding of what has happened. They may respond with strong emotions of anger, blame, or deep sadness and confusion. They may feel somehow responsible themselves for the death of their loved one. Watch for changes in relationships, confidence, and mood. Take time to talk and listen. Teenagers are already in the midst of significant changes in their bodies, in their minds, and in their world.

Things We Said Today

To lose a loved one during this stage can feel like too much. They may express a range of heightened emotions and swing between demands to be treated like an adult and a return to behaviours seen earlier in their lives. In the innocence of their childhood, many will have no prior experience of death. It ruptures their world and they may have no language or reference point. As you talk with children, help them make meaning of their experience. They may have lost a pet or know someone whose relative has died. Talk about life and death in nature and help them develop some language to talk about their thoughts and feelings and what has happened. While the nature and scope of our grief is usually linked to the nature of our relationship with the deceased, children may find themselves grieving for someone who has not been so close to them. For children especially, the death of a school friend or a distant relative or even a neighbour can have significant impact. I remember being about ten years old and looking across at a classmate whose mother had just died. I was deeply affected by that death, not because I had a relationship with that young mum, but because it opened up something about life that I’d not been aware of before. When a close family member or friend dies, a child may be deeply affected across all aspects of their lives, including a share in the suffering of other family and friends. Unlike adults who have maturity and agency, grieving children and adolescents may be dependent on others for guidance and support. It is such a difficult time for all. Another factor in the ways children may experience grief relates to the way that their loved one has died. The shock of an accident or the horror of a violent death are different experiences than an elderly relative passing in their sleep or the end of suffering for someone who has been sick for a long time. It is important to encourage children and teenagers to name their emotions and ask their many questions. While grief is an individual experience, there are some cultural norms that shape responses to death and grief.