Grief Can Disturb Our Dreams

We even seem to find it difficult to find the right words when we talk about death, and we might say that someone has passed or passed away, departed, or deceased. Death has occurred and we who remain are bereaved. Like so many words in English that describe profound experiences, it seems an inadequate expression for the loss. The Portuguese word saudade captures some deeper meaning, as it describes our longing for a love no longer present. Saudade intensifies when the loss is permanent. While we all know that life is impermanent, we live with some denial of that reality. Whatever the circumstances of death, there is usually shock in the loss. This may be a series of shocks if the person has been diagnosed with an illness and deteriorates over time, or it might be a huge and sudden shock in the case of an accident. It is accompanied by dramatic changes in hormone levels as the body tries to restore balance. These internal mechanisms may be so overwhelming that we are unable to maintain function ourselves. Grief can disturb our dreams, make us question the purpose of life, and confirm or challenge our spiritual and religious beliefs. It can generate physical upset, disrupting sleep and patterns of eating and moving.

That'll Be the Day

Grief can seem catastrophic because it enters every aspect of life. After the death of my husband, I felt there was no part of my life that was better without him. I found it hard to muster any enthusiasm for this new life as the good things weren’t as good, and the hard things seemed so much harder, almost impossible at times, without him. The nature of the relationshipSome people are surprised that their experience of grief doesn’t match their own expectations. You may find yourself less or more distressed than you imagined. Try to accept the validity of your experience and your response without critique. Any previous trauma and healing we have experiencedMany of our emotional and psychological patterns are formed early in life. These can include our response to stress and our sense of belonging and security. Some professional assistance may help develop strategies that can support you through your grief. Our general sense of resilienceThe nature of death means that its appearance in our lives is random. It can affect us when we are feeling on top of the world or when life is already difficult due to other circumstances. This will, in part, determine the resources we have available to deal with the death of our loved one.

Drifting Too Far From The Shore

Many will experience bereavement at a time in their lives when they already feel stretched. Remember to be kind to yourself, doing what you can manage, and accepting or seeking support as needed. The impact of the death on our sense of identityOur sense of self and our understanding of our place in the world are developed through relationships. Some relationships have significant emotional, intellectual, or psychological impact, while others shape our understanding of roles, rights, and responsibilities. With the death of a loved one, all aspects of our identity may be affected. The nature of any conflict in the relationshipConflict with loved ones has its own pain, but unresolved conflict with someone who has died can leave us feeling deeply unsettled. Because death interrupts everyday life, it also interferes with unresolved difficulties and complications. Afterwards you may find yourself with a growing sense of regret, perhaps replaying conversations and trying to make sense of it all without the participation of the one who’s died. You may experience the desire to forgive or be forgiven. Responsibility for the practicalitiesAt this painful time, you may be required to meet some obligations regarding the last will and testament of your loved one, or to make changes to documents and accounts, including social media, by removing the name of the deceased person. This is difficult enough, but the processes and systems you have to navigate may seem to lack compassion and coherence at a time when they are most needed. Access to supportIn grief you find out who your friends really are.

The Ultimate Demise Of A Good Thing

For a variety of reasons some of them are unable to be with you, while others may surprise you. Depending on your circumstances, you may need assistance with care of children or the elderly, with arrangements, or with daily tasks. While they may kindly offer, don’t be afraid to ask if you need me to help. If necessary, there is assistance available through community and government services. While most of us move gradually over time from bereavement and grief to healing and recovery, some people can experience what is known as complicated grief. Complicated grief can overwhelm us with levels of sorrow or yearning that seriously disrupt our lives, and we may feel that all meaning is lost. If you’re finding yourself in this situation, it’s really important to see your doctor, who can refer you to expert care. I have heard from many clients who felt they didn’t properly grieve a loved one. Perhaps they didn’t have the time or the space they needed, but the burden of unresolved grief has caught up with them and they can feel those old wounds are not healed. Sometimes clients want to hang on to their suffering, believing that it somehow honours their loved one. At the same time, they come to therapy because they believe and hope that they can feel better. They can, and their loved one would most likely want that for them too. When grief first strikes, healing seems impossible, even unimaginable. There seems to be no way out and it feels as if it will never end. The first year that rolls on relentlessly can be particularly difficult, facing first birthdays and special days. Healing from a loss takes a great deal of energy. It may seem overwhelming or confusing and it needs to be spread over time. There are some circumstances in which the desire to be fully alive yourself may be dim.