I Was Being Mindful

Empower yourself by acknowledging that you have the power to make your life better. It was not a relaxing experience, but I continued. Next, I tried closing my eyes for a minute or two at a time. Soon I realized that the more I noticed, the more at ease my body felt. I was no longer overwhelmed by the flaws in the carpet, or by the flaws of my own self. My mind wandered to memories of field trips to the Griffith Observatory and sweeping views of the brightly lit city grid that mirrored the constellations from the sky above. My body was calm and warm, like being wrapped in a blanket while enjoying a cup of Mexican hot chocolate. There were moments when I felt anxious, but my anxiety was quelled by my desire to just be in the present safe moment. I’d love to end the story there and say that I became enlightened, started teaching yoga, and here we are today . Things changed slowly, I started to see things differently, and I started taking classes at Santa Monica College. I was present in my life. I was practicing being myself.

Things  Happen That Way

Things Happen That Way

I was being mindful. One day in class, my friend Carlos, whom I’d known since childhood, looked at me and said, Rosie, you seem so different now. I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t sure if I’d just been insulted, so I pretended I had no idea what he was talking about. He responded, I know what it is! He snapped his fingers and pointed at me. You hit rock bottom! When people hit rock bottom, they either end up a lowlife or they turn into a success. I took this in for a moment and wondered how the Dalai Lama would respond. I also wondered why my only options were being a lowlife or being a success. What if I just wanted to be different? I looked at him, shrugged, and said, There is no rock bottom if you start from the bottom. I was discovering what my own personal beliefs were and his comments made me realize that I while I believe in a lot of things, hitting rock bottom wasn’t one of them. I have always thought that if you start from the bottom, it’s all onward and upward from there. Rock bottom is giving up completely, it’s lying down, wasting away, and letting yourself die.

Weather To Fly

Rock bottom is living your life like a zombie, aimlessly going through the motions of existence, without senses, without color, without love. If you are alive, even after overcoming a difficult situation like a breakup, trauma, or job loss, you can rebuild. You have that power, and it is wise to start with small changes. If you are in a place that feels like rock bottom, I’m here to tell you, it’s not. Rock bottom is the place where we begin. I worked a few mall jobs before I landed a position as a receptionist at a hair salon. I showed great leadership skills and was headhunted by celebrity hairstylist Jonathan Antin to manage his salon in West Hollywood. Part of my secret sauce was the ability to listen intently to what people needed. I could also remain calm when a customer was yelling or was extremely upset. I just smiled and nodded. I became the salon’s calming presence, which was ironic. The girl who suffered from panic attacks was the one calming everyone down.

High Ideals

His life as an entrepreneur and celebrity hairstylist was the basis for the reality television series Blow Out on Bravo. Jonathan taught me how to work with people, what to do and what not to do. My past made me, but it didn’t have to define my life. That salon is where I met my future husband. Up to that point, my romantic relationships had not been great. Both left me heartbroken, insecure, powerless, and overcautious. They were complicated, and I’d had enough of that during my childhood. I had sworn off men for good and my heart was closed for business, until I met Torry. He was kind, handsome, and polite. He exuded cool confidence that most likely had been there his entire life. This is a lesson, don’t ever close yourself off to love. It can arrive when you least expect it. One Motörhead concert and a Mexican getaway later, I was planning the rest of our lives. If you can see it, you can be it. That’s what letting go is. The goal is to do it without attachment or expectation. Attachment is when you bond to something or some ideal. Expectation is when you have a deep belief, a confidence, that something is sure to happen. Expectation is premeditated resentment. Can you live a life without attaching to the results? Can you make decisions without having expectations? That’s why it’s called a practice. Life is the biggest summit you are ever going to climb. Sometimes the only thing we know for sure is that there will be setbacks and we may have to go back and start over. The climb is treacherous, but it’s your climb, unique to you. Progress doesn’t move in a straight line. One foot in front of the other, chest up, shoulders back, keep your chin up, keep on keeping on, and that’s what matters. Being present happens when you focus more on the journey than the destination. Once I learned to be mindful about my life, to be present, I changed. I chose not to live in chaos but, instead, to thrive in creation. You have that same power. When we can’t see or feel that radical love, we need to step back, take responsibility for our choices, and show reverence to our circumstances, whatever they may be. Maybe we see it, feel it, or sense it. You are here, you are alive, and you are breathing. Let go of the possibility of failure. Create moments for stillness. Can you start now, today?