Pain And Suffering Are Part Of Life Too

Love is the root of all life. I’d prefer to say, to love is to live. Love will always supersede the fear of loss, though that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Pain and suffering are part of life too, part of being human. When we grieve the loss of someone we love, we are trying to fit the love of two hearts into one. The pain you feel is your heart expanding to fit all that love into one heart. The totality of another. Over time, the heart will grow. That is radical love. The only comfort I ever wanted when I was in pain was knowing that someone out there in the world understood how I felt. Those of you who have gone through something difficult or traumatic know it can feel like a lonely planet. My process goes like this.

The Thrill Is Gone

At first, moving through a day feels remiss. Emotions move like the sea. I go through the motions so that each cycle is complete. What we feel we can heal. Each revolving wave is moving through my mind, body, and spirit. When it moves through my mind, I think about what I could’ve, should’ve, or wish I had done. My body languishes, and my spirit feels broken. These are the only moments where sitting still doesn’t work for me. I need to walk, dance, flail around, or go for a run. I need to move around so that the waves have a place to go. The movement allows me to catch my breath while my mind is distracted from memories and thoughts of what should have or could have been. Being outside gives me a different perspective and a change in scenery from the movie playing in my mind.

Good Times

I see a rosebush, look at the trees, and even if they don’t give me comfort in that specific moment, I am reminded of the beauty and impermanence of life. I move through the stages of grief. I search for people who have gone through the same. Knowing that someone has gone through something similar and survived gives me promise that I may be able to survive too. I can draw from the strength of others. It sounds clichéd, but time does heal all wounds. Each moment that passes removes a thin layer of sadness, until one day you wake and notice that the sky is clear, and the sun is out, and you feel peace once again. I am sorry if you are in pain, I am sorry that you may feel alone. There is a force around you, loving you. You are radically loved. Moving through pain and loss takes time, support yourself by asking for help and expressing your feelings. You are on your own time line, so take as much time as you need.

Putting It Together

You move through pain, not away from it. We can draw from the strength of others, to become strong. Impermanence is a part of life. Raise both hands into the air. Some nights, the moon is narrow like a crest. Other nights, the moon looks like a bright headlight. Some nights, the moon is not visible at all. The moon has different phases, just like we do. When I was little, my abuelita used to make me draw the moon for her. It always looked the same on paper, a big uneven circle representing the full moon with holes inside like Swiss cheese. Ever since then, I loved drawing moons on everything. Every night, I go out whether it’s visible or not. I see if I can notice any differences and subtleties. I marvel for just a few moments, then I go to bed. It creates a deep grounding resonance. This powerful sphere that rules the ocean waves can coalesce with the internal waves that we can’t control. The moments that are good and true are signs of the divine. One morning during my meditation, I was overwhelmed by a deep sense of comfort. There was nothing complex about what I was doing, I was just listening to the sounds of the birds outside my window, when suddenly, I sensed a gentle wave of peace. I wasn’t engaging in anything other than what was happening in my body. I took a deep breath, which my body held comfortably. I wasn’t compelled to make lists or analyze my latest Netflix binge. There was no tension, no pain. Then, in one second, my blissful moment was abruptly interrupted by my desire to laugh. I need to go to the grocery store, and I should do nothing and stay in bed all day. The mind wants to be anywhere else but in the present moment. Do you know why we can’t stay in that blissful moment all the time? We practice because we forget, and practice is essential. Just because we recognize our impressions and habits doesn’t mean they change. Just because someone is on the spiritual path doesn’t mean they have all the answers. We all search for the answers that lie outside ourselves to find the truth within us. To feel the presence of something bigger than us, we need to stop long enough to integrate it. Spirituality is something that leads us to feel connected to something greater, something that we are, and something that provides meaning to our lives when we are helpless and hopeless. But the truth will still be there, ready and waiting for you to bring it to the surface. No, but it does make it easier to cope. Does being spiritual make life less hard? No, but it gives you the strength to go through the motions until one day life feels less chaotic. Will being spiritual make it easier to deal with loss? Eventually though, it will, and it does. I know this for a fact because nothing lasts forever. The gift of impermanence. Everything you need for your spiritual journey is right here, right now, in this perfect moment. Life is demanding, frenetic, and tiresome.