Slowing Down Our Thinking

One of the most troublesome hazards of using the construct of retirement to describe a life stage is that it leaves little room for the roles and contributions of elders. The tragedy is not only that this view impedes individuals from finding meaning but also that it prevents society from reaping the benefits of the lived experiences and knowledge of elders. Acknowledging the gifts, talents, and potential of diverse elders, we can easily identify a variety of essential roles that require wisdom, counsel, economic, political, and interpersonal resources. In their writing and advocacy, geriatrician Bill Thomas and elder rights activist Maggie Kuhn discuss their ideas on roles for elders that provide an excellent backdrop to think about your what and how. Use the questions what do you want your elderhood to look like and how do you intend to find meaning and purpose as you think about your own future development as an elder. As peacemakers, elders can capitalize on their integrative thinking to help promote peace and mediate conversation, helping people reconnect with each other and bringing context to complex situations. Peacemaking extends outward in our growing ability to help others and inward as we work toward the developmental imperative of making peace inside ourselves. Looking inward to find peace with our authentic selves, our contributions, and our gifts as well as our regrets and faults can be a meaningful process that prepares us for a good death. Legacy building occurs in the intimate space of interpersonal relationships and can also take place at the societal level through activism or stewardship. The quieter state of solitude described in the theory of gerotranscendence captures a state of being with the needed reflective space for an older adult to work through their life story, to make peace, and to acknowledge their legacy. Giving time and sharing wisdom with those with less experience is Thomas’s third identified role for elders. Wisdom givers help others gain a sense of perspective.

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Aptly, wisdom giving is about having the ability and intuition to know when it is appropriate to share opinions, when it is judicious to simply reflect back on what was shared, and when it is most prudent just to listen. Kuhn believed that elders were particularly well suited to inhabit roles that focused on healing and humanizing society and that forged generational connections.[12] Volunteering is one role that we typically identify as appropriate for elders, but Kuhn described many other opportunities less recognized and equally as essential. Mentoring is the role that we most often associate with elderhood. It is easy to conjure up a mental image of an older person coaching youngsters in reading, tutoring them in math, helping to build a birdhouse, or teaching them to cook. This is a natural aspect of intergenerational relationships and enables us to share our lived experiences and accumulated wisdom. There are opportunities for us to stretch our expectations of mentorship to realms outside of relationships with younger people. Mentorship in business and entrepreneurship or workplace coaching with problem solving or relationship building could be invaluable. The role of mediator provides an outlet for elders to help resolve conflict in political and personal spaces. If you have ever witnessed a calm grandparent stepping in to ease tensions during a heated situation between a parent and child, you can appreciate the compassionate understanding and affirmation that an elder can bring to a situation. With the benefits of aging come increased life experiences, exposure to multiple perspectives, and enhanced problemsolving skills, equipping elders to provide valuable perspectives in mediating conflicts in neighborhoods, schools, houses of worship, and organizations. Monitoring provides ongoing scrutiny that preserves integrity and operations within institutions.

The Hand That Feeds

Again, the benefits of experience gained during aging make monitoring an ideal role for many older people who want to engage socially and politically. Monitoring can include attending public meetings, reviewing legislation, and serving on nonprofit and corporate boards. A mobilizer can thrive as an advocate for social change by helping to gather, organize, and assemble around meaningful causes. Society as a whole benefits from the knowledge and talents of elders. Regardless of the type of societal contribution, every day, all over the globe, in every local neighborhood, elders act as role models for what it means to age into elderhood and to grow old. Because we live and learn in relational environments, our personal attitudes and behaviors have a profound effect on others. This impact extends to meaningful, close relationships as well as casual encounters in everyday situations. Although we are conditioned by the dominant cultural narrative, we individually have the ability, power, agency, and autonomy to choose how we respond and behave. With knowledge we have gained from practicing recognizing bias and from slowing down our thinking, and by using metacognition, we can take the next step to make small but meaningful changes in our behavior to be positive aging role models. To become an effective role model, we first have to challenge our cognitive dissonance by recognizing when what we say and what we do don’t match up. Cognitive dissonance occurs when we believe in two contradictory things at the same time. Mine works instantly! Declaring ageism is a problem and promoting ageism all in one breath is cognitive dissonance.

Look Into The Future

We all fall into this trap repeatedly. As role models for aging, we all have the responsibility to challenge our conflicting views and to work toward walking the walk and talking the talk. A straightforward approach to role modeling is practicing saying what you actually mean rather than what is easily understood. For example, a common euphemism for describing a large number of older people in the population is a silver tsunami. Give some thought to the idiomatic expression young in spirit and contemplate what young means versus what young implies. In this instance, we are using the word young to mean energetic, lively, engaged, or vibrant, so why don’t we just say so? Young could just as well mean immature, labile, or inexperienced. As a role model for aging, what we say carries weight.