The Emotions Of Grief And Healing

You don’t need to go on a pilgrimage in pursuit of your healing, just begin to walk with more intention, mindful of your feet on the earth, aware of what you are carrying with you, and wondering about what lies ahead. Consciously receive all that nature has to offer you. It involves spending some time in nature with trees and allowing the experience to bathe our senses. The emphasis is on being rather than doing, and we can draw on the mysterious life of trees and plants to mirror their growth and connection. Whether you have a garden, a veranda, or an indoor plant, choose textures and colours that will give you comfort and joy. Gardening can ease tension and reduce stress and the repetition of tasks can slow your breathing and your mind. The sky changes across our days and nights as the sun, moon, and stars, clouds, rain, and lightning provide an endless show of beauty and mystery. You might like to lie on the grass or the sand, or watch from the top of a mountain to see the sky change and shift. Raise your face and receive all the sky has to offer you. Consciously inhale and exhale the air that surrounds you, aware of the flow of life and the refreshment of the sky and the air. What a pleasure it is to live on this beautiful earth, surrounded by the mighty ocean and covered with rivers, creeks, lakes, and waterholes. Many people find inspiration in, on, and near the water and experience its serenity, its flow, or its power.

Show Some Emotion

Take the opportunity to spend some time exploring what inspiration and comfort the water may have to offer you. Candles accompany us at many stages of life, on our birthdays, and in our rituals. In your healing you might experiment with candles of different shapes, sizes, colours, and scents. You might choose the tea lights that are used under an oil burner, or you might prefer to burn incense sticks where the small, slow burn releases beautiful fragrance into the air. Your candle may burn in the background, or you may light it to focus your journaling or meditating. The light and symbolism of a candle can also be part of our spiritual practise, igniting our intentions and our will. The light in the darkness reminds us of the warmth of possibility. They can be used alone or in combination to support you as you come to terms with your bereavement. See the introduction for different ways to use essential oils to support healing. Manuka oil comes from the leaves of the plant and may be used to soothe and relax. Neroli oil is drawn from the orange blossom and is often found in perfumes. It may be used for its balancing qualities.

Take It Away

Petitgrain is also from the orange tree and may be used to build calm and relaxation. Place some of the soil at the base of the candle. Take your time, visiting places you have been and places in your imagination. When you’re ready, in your mind’s eye, come back to this place, aware of its landscape and energies. Sense your way around your landscape and settle yourself. Draw and release some deep breaths to ground yourself here and now. Place the soil in your open hand. Use your senses to notice more about it. Close your hands around the soil and notice its energy and potential. Gently release the soil back to the bowl. Take a few moments to capture some of your reflections about your place on earth and what this place means to you. Walk outside and pour your soil back on the earth, knowing you can reconnect at any time.

Don't Hide Inside Yourself

In reality, our emotions are connected with the brain. The limbic system is the part of our brain that handles how we experience and express our feelings, and also how we use memory to store those experiences. In response to those stimuli, our brain generates an emotional response. The emotions of loss and grief are vast and heartfelt, and we experience them in a range of ways and intensities. My grief came in waves, some so powerful I feared I would drown in them. Nothing could really have prepared me for how strong and overwhelming my emotions were, but I look back now and see it was in proportion to the powerful love we had shared. One of the earliest signs of grief is the arrival of strong emotions, which may include fear, shock, sorrow, anger, anxiety, and guilt. While these will be partly determined by the nature of the relationship, the circumstances of the death, and our emotional intelligence, it is important to allow ourselves to feel and acknowledge the experience. While each experience is unique, there are some common patterns of reaction, and these emotional states are all to be expected and explored. The emotions of grief can range from feeling numb through to being overwhelmed. This numbness can protect us from shock or keep us from strong emotional reactions, and it may last a moment or for a lot longer. We may experience an objectivity, perhaps seeing ourselves from a distance, disconnected from people and events, with our feelings seemingly inaccessible. That numb state in which feelings seem to be suspended can provide some relief from the awful reality, but it can also be terrifying. Some experiences of the emotions of loss and grief highlight the complexity and depth of the suffering heart. Although we are aware of the intensity of our feelings, it may be difficult to find the language to describe what we are experiencing. I felt for a long time that there was no breath that could fill my lungs and no thought that could calm my mind. The intensity of the experience at times felt like I could explode or disintegrate into millions of tiny pieces. I had moments when I wondered whether I could even survive the force of my grief.