Which Memories Comfort You?

How has grief changed your identity? You may wish to consciously release a memory, burden, a worry, or a way of being. You may wish to carry forward a memory, a hope, or a new sense of possibility, a refreshed purpose or new commitment. You may like to pick up a stone or stick or another natural object to represent what you are carrying into this experience with you. Be aware of each step you take, treading gently and lovingly on the earth. Let your body lead you as it makes its path towards the centre. Allow the rhythm of the walk to carry you forward. Notice any feelings and thoughts that emerge. Breathe slowly and deeply to increase your calm. If you’ve brought an object with you, squeeze it tightly then open your hand. Recall what it symbolizes for you. Release it by laying it back on the earth or throwing it into nature. You might wish to say something aloud, or not.

Something Got Me Started

You might like to pick up a leaf or something else to represent your second intention for the labyrinth. Turn away from the object you’ve left behind, face towards your path, and begin your steps, noticing what you notice. Be aware of each step you take, treading gently and lovingly on the earth. Let your body lead you as it makes its path towards home. Allow the rhythm of the walk to carry you forward. Notice any feelings and thoughts that emerge. Complete your labyrinth with some deep breaths and gratitude for the experience. It may be used to awaken the mind and support memory making. Litsea oil is distilled from the berries of the plant and may be used to soothe, balance, and refresh. Ylang Ylang is a beautifully perfumed oil made from the flowers of the plant and may be used to support relaxation and sensuality. A teaspoon and another small empty bowl. A song that helps you recall a happy memory of your loved one.

In The Back Of My Mind

Create a sacred space using your candle, your objects, the empty bowl, and the sugar bowl. I pause today to remember, to connect the sweetness of past, present, and future. Play your song. It may not even be your taste, but it has a strong connection with your loved one. Sugar is used to sweeten. Today it symbolizes the sweet memories of our loved one. Take your teaspoon and spend some time moving the sugar into the empty bowl. Take all the time you need, moving through your memories as it pleases you. Draw and release some deep breaths to feel those memory connections here and now. Begin to assemble your treasures and symbols, harvesting some of those things that best represent your loved one and prompt your memories. Place them in your collection, taking time to remember. This task may take more than one session.

White Shadows

You might leave the sugar in the bowl until the task is complete. Take some time with your journal, reflecting on the experience of gathering memories. Which memories comfort you? What else might support your memory making? How might you nourish yourself through your memory? What are some new memories you’d like to make in the future? Draw and release some deep breaths. Turn off your music and blow out your candle. When you’ve finished your memory box or your album, sprinkle your sugar out in nature. Take a final look at your journal, knowing you can revisit this experience at any time. The wisdom of grief, then, allows us to make sense of the painful and difficult loss of our loved one. At the simplest level, life is forever changed following such a death, and their absence is profound. At a deeper level, as we reflect on our experience of grief, we can expand our awareness of life and the meaning of existence. Even as reluctant participants, we begin to open to new ways of knowing and being. While we can’t control these new possibilities, we can watch for their unfolding and move with them. The death of a loved one opens a curtain on our own mortality and reminds us of the limits of human experience. If you lived with the person who has died, then the transformation occurs inside your home as well, with a change to companionship, routines, relaxation, and mutual interest. If you live away from your loved one, it may be hard to believe that the death is real. Many people in grief experience the impulse to talk to, or tell a story to, or ask the one who has died. This can happen for years after the loss. If you are the spouse, partner, or parent of the one who has died, then your very identity is changed. No longer wife but widow, no longer partnered but single. The experience of losing a child is so challenging that we don’t even have a word in English for that new identity. With the death of a loved one, we can find it hard to see the big picture, to see clearly what is happening and what our truth is. It can be hard to sense or trust our hunches, and our inner wisdom may seem absent. In grief, the lights seem to go out and we can find ourselves disoriented in the darkness. At the very moment we need some insight, it can seem to disappear. Grief opens up a Pandora’s Box of suffering, but in contrast, the wisdom of healing is a process of transformation whereby the suffering of grief can open up glimmers of gratitude and hope. With the eyes of wisdom, the absence of our loved one infuses our world, imprinting itself on our lives as we move into a sense of deep gratitude for what has been shared and once was. The healing process also involves transformation, and not all of that is welcome. People experience the pain of letting go of their loved one, clearing clothes and belongings, hobbies and memberships.