Ask Yourself About The Relationship

Do you constantly think about your future, and what your partner thinks about you? Give yourself one point for each yes response, then tally your score. The higher the number, the more likely it is that you are infatuated with your partner, at least for now. If you have a high score, take your time. You’re probably not seeing your partner and the relationship clearly. Don’t make any big decisions about your relationship right now. Can this be confused or misinterpreted as romantic love? Companionate love, however, develops over time and involves caring and deep emotional intimacy. It stands the test of time even after your body’s hormones and love chemicals fade away. In a relationship, you can lust after, be passionate about, and love your partner. But studies show that over the long haul, lust and passion aren’t the glue that keeps a relationship together. Here are a few clues to know if you’re experiencing companionate love, rather than feelings of lust or infatuation. You want your partner to get a sense of your past, and you like the idea that your family and friends are impressed by this person. In a loving relationship, you won’t be crushed, want to break up, or worry that you’ll be dumped whenever you and your partner have a fight.

Every Little Thing

Love prompts you to share extensive personal, and often confidential, information with your partner. You might not have revealed these feelings and desires to other people you know. When two people love each other, what one partner does or wants to do influences the other in strong and meaningful ways. For example, if you wanted to move to another city for work or were contemplating a big change, your partner would be involved in the decision. Now that you’ve assessed your personal feelings, it’s time to evaluate the relationship itself. You may even have your friends egging you on about where the relationship’s going, just like Kyle and Shira, a couple who attended one of my relationship seminars this past spring. Shira and I have a great relationship. Shira loves to cook, and I love to eat. We’ve been dating for about a year and a half, and I’m really starting to feel pressure from my friends and family to close the deal with Shira. We know we love each other, but since we’ve both been married and divorced, we want to make sure we do things right this time around. I especially want to be sure of things because my kids are involved. Kyle and I make a great team.

Don't Ever Change

But how do we know if we’ll make a great team for the long haul? How can these two, or any other couple, know if they’re a match made in heaven? Are there any signs that will reveal whether you and your partner are truly compatible? Is Marriage in the Cards for You and Your Partner? Having a life and a future together doesn’t necessarily mean you and your partner will get married. This flies in the face of the myth that midlife women are anxious to get hitched again after divorcing. The fact is they’re not. Trust is perhaps the most important and essential aspect of any relationship. When you trust someone, you believe the person tells you the truth, won’t hurt or deceive you, and has your best interests at heart. In a loving relationship, this faith and trust reduces your inhibitions and worries, which allows you and your partner to share feelings and dreams with each other, and to feel closer and more connected. You should feel that your spouse would never hurt or deceive you. There has to be trust. And do you trust him or her? If you have a hard time trusting other people, it might be because you’re still carrying wounds from your past relationship. Of course, trust is also about your partner’s trustworthiness. But how do you know if your partner is the kind of person who can be trusted? Does your partner behave the same way each time he or she is stressed out, upset, or full of love? Consistent behavior is a key to trustworthiness. Does your partner have a good relationship history? If your partner has treated past relationships with respect, there’s a good chance he or she will also respect yours.

Hearts Of Stone

For instance, if your partner valued his or her past relationship and had an amicable split, that’s a good sign. On the other hand, if your partner’s relationship history is a sordid tale of flings and bitter exes, it’s tempting to think that you’re the one person fabulous enough to turn things around. Is your partner dependable and reliable? When your partner says he is going to do something, does he come through most of the time? Could you depend on him or her if you needed to? These are all signs of someone who is trustworthy. Has your partner been honest with you so far? Does your partner tell you the truth and not keep secrets from you? If your partner regularly lies, fabricates information, or makes statements that contradict the truth, it will eat away at your relationship. Does your partner have your best interests at heart? This includes what you do as a couple, where you go on dates, and how you support each other’s friendships, careers, and life decisions. If so, what kinds of secrets are okay? More than anything else, this conversation will give you a sense of how much you trust each other and whether you view trust the same way. Sure, it takes courage and confidence to initiate an honest and intimate conversation like this with your partner. Better to fully understand in advance what makes your relationship work well, rather than being confronted later with the challenge of figuring out why things fell apart. Jealousy is among the most human of all emotions, and it has the power to bring out the worst in us, especially when we’re in a relationship.