Can This Type Of Relationship Work?

Who or What Is to Blame? Matt and I had been dating since college, and we got married in our early twenties. About eight years after we got married, I found out that Matt had been cheating on me, with just about anyone, for years. I started to get migraine headaches, I was breaking out in terrible rashes all the time, and I always felt sick to my stomach. I really was a mess. Luckily, I ended up finding a support group close to where I worked. I can’t say that I felt better overnight, but eventually, I started to see that the divorce wasn’t my fault. It’s funny, but I can honestly look back now and say that Matt and I were too young to have gotten married. It’s such a relief to be able talk about this now without all of the pain. I guess this means my support group did their job! You really helped me to move on. Most people blamed their ex. Over 65 percent of individuals blamed their spouse for the divorce. Eighty percent of women blamed their spouse for the divorce, but only 47 percent of men did.

No Easy Way Down

Men blamed themselves more than women did. Sixteen percent of men felt they did something to cause the divorce, yet only 4 percent of women blamed themselves. Thirteen percent of men blamed the situation, compared to only 3 percent of women. We didn’t have money. Another way to unpack your emotional baggage is to reframe what happened in the past, which will also change your outlook on the future. By consciously changing how you view your past relationship, you’ll be able to flip the switch on negative emotions so they become neutral and less damaging. He left me for a younger woman. Everything feels new and full of possibility. It will take some practice, but it is possible. Almost any negative thought can be flipped. My divorce ruined my finances. I don’t have money to get away or to go on adult vacations anymore.

Everybody Finds Out Sometime

I now have quality time to spend with my children. My parents loved my ex. They don’t understand why I didn’t work harder to save my marriage. I need to sit down with my parents and talk, so they clearly understand who I am and what’s best for my children. Sometimes I feel lonely without my ex around. However, in the last ten years, scientists have discovered that it’s actually the other way around. In several recent studies, scientists mapped and measured what happens in the brain when people meditate with positive thoughts or participate in ongoing psychotherapy. Some people hang on to unhealthy relationships or begin new ones simply because they are afraid of being alone. Just by changing your perspective, or flipping the negative to a neutral statement, you’ll now view your alone time as prime time to do what you want to do instead. You don’t have to do them anymore! Make it a craft room or a library! See how this time can be better for you? Loneliness does not have to be reduced or avoided. A popular image in our society is of the lonely old person. However, studies show that young adults are actually the loneliest of us all! If you look around, you’ll probably find at least one or two mementos from your past still lurking around in the present.

Love Is All We Have Left

A photo of the two of you from your last camping trip. That piece of furniture you picked out together. Sounds harmless, right? Items like these can be emotional triggers, and they can set off a tidal wave of emotions when you least suspect it. Clean out your house, car, and office of all mementos and objects you associate with your partner. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you think about your ex and feel your emotions taking over. It’s a small reminder, but an effective one, that you are in control. Learn how to ration contact with your ex. This way, your partner feels in the loop, but neither of you is dragged into the emotional abyss. Can Exes Be Good Friends? What if your ex wasn’t so terrible? Do you really need to cut him or her out of your life? You might still care for your ex and think fondly of the times you shared together, and you’re considering staying friends. Can this type of relationship work? Yes, I believe it can, although it’s very challenging for most people. Is remaining friends with an ex a good thing for you? What kind of friendship do you want? There are different types of friendships. Make sure you know the boundaries of your friendship and agree upon them early on. You might be used to sharing your most personal thoughts and feelings with this person, but in most cases, sharing on this level has to change. Does the friendship interfere with a new relationship? It can be confusing and threatening to a new partner if you continue your friendship with an ex. Be open and honest, and show the new partner that your relationship with him or her is primary and more intimate. Do you have ties to the relationship? There may be circumstances outside of the relationship that you need to take into consideration. For example, if the two of you have children or a joint business, it’s best to stay on decent terms. If you have children, you know there will always be decisions that you will have to make together. It’s psychologically healthy to cut off contact with your ex’s family, at least in the short term. Moving Forward Once you let go of past hurts, you will open yourself up to experience fresh, new, and positive emotions with a new love partner in your life. How will you recognize that your emotional baggage feels lighter and isn’t stuffed with emotional triggers? To work through or unpack your emotions and feelings and neutralize your attachment to the past.