Conflict Is Healthy For Any Relationship

Once you understand that men fall in love faster than women, dating and relationships will become so much easier. After an initial brain scan, the men and women were shown pictures of their loved ones. Then they were shown pictures of platonic friends. Scientists have also used this method to pinpoint and map other feelings, including affection and commitment, which each activate different areas of the brain. For women, it will finally make sense why men come on so strong at the beginning. For men, the women you date might become slightly less mysterious, and you’ll now expect the process of courtship to last longer and take more patience, care, and effort, especially if you are dating a woman who has been divorced. Conflict is bad for your relationship and a clear sign of trouble. Conflict is healthy for any relationship. It means you and your partner are dealing with issues, instead of sweeping them aside or under the rug. It’s how you handle the conflict that matters. But in fact, science proves that conflict is actually okay for a relationship. The happiest couples admitted that they had disagreements and arguments.

Heaven Can Wait

If you and your partner never fight, it’s probably because you are avoiding issues and concerns that are important to you. Eventually, not talking through issues leads to other issues, which can easily snowball into even bigger problems that become very hard to address. For example, let’s say you grew up watching your parents fight constantly. As a result, you believe that conflict is negative and can’t possibly be good for a relationship, so you start avoiding conflict at all costs. You clam up when things bother you. You may never tell your partner what annoys or irritates you, like when he chews with his mouth open, forgets to take the dog out, or when she won’t stop talking on the phone with her friends. The next thing you know, you develop the habit of not talking through issues, especially the important ones. You may feel distant and out of touch with your partner. Your upbringing, culture, and social circles all shape how you perceive and react to conflict. This is exactly what happened between Charles and Melina, one of the unhappy couples from my study. In counseling, Charles had been shocked to discover that Melina had bottled up her feelings and was still harboring resentment from issues that were several years old. And Melina was just as surprised to find that Charles could barely remember the issues she was talking about, which led to even more anger, frustration, and disappointment.

Let Go Of The Planned Life

Charles and Melina often bragged to their friends about how they rarely fought, yet years of avoiding conflict had done some serious damage to their relationship. Men, on the other hand, have a difficult time remembering when their last argument was and what it was all about. When asked, men will usually say that an issue is resolved, whereas women will insist that the same issue is far from being resolved, and there’s still a lot more to work through. Why does this happen? Scientists have recently discovered that women may have more fibers connecting the two hemispheres of the brain. During an argument, these fibers turn into an information superhighway. As the brain connects and pulls from many different sources of information, relationship problems can become intricate and complex. In contrast, men may have fewer connective fibers, leading researchers to believe that men’s brain hemispheres may act independently, allowing men to separate themselves from the problem and to process one issue at a time. This makes dealing with conflict, at least from a purely scientific view, drastically different for men and women. Simply recognizing this difference can instantly make a relationship better. Instead of focusing on she just can’t get over it or he just doesn’t care, you’ll understand your partner’s behavior. If you’ve ever had a relationship like Charles and Melina’s, or if you find you tend to avoid conflict, it’s time to change your beliefs. Try to look past the myth and accept that bickering and disagreements are a common and natural part of any relationship.

Coming Back To Life

If you take a step back and listen to your partner’s needs constructively, you’ll gain insight about your partner, and the conflict will be bonding. Does what you are arguing about make a difference to the success of your relationship? Do you have a few hours? Other volatile topics include parenting and pet peeves. Again, conflict about any of these issues is perfectly fine, as long as you manage the conflict constructively. When it’s done right, conflict can help to resolve the differences that are interfering with your relationship, and it will make your bond stronger. Good breakups can happen. With a little work, you and your ex can keep your sense of worth, learn from the relationship, and gracefully move on. Yes, there is such a thing as a good breakup, but understand, it’s not the same as a painless breakup. When two people really care about each other, it will hurt when the relationship ends. There will be grief, anger, and sadness. But a good breakup allows both people to keep their sense of worth. In a good breakup, sadness over the end of the relationship doesn’t turn to bitterness. One partner doesn’t turn the children against the other partner. And both people are able to learn from the relationship and eventually move on. Breaking up is extremely hard, both for the person who’s initiating the breakup and for the person on the receiving end, no matter how long the relationship lasted. In fact, multiple studies show that the death of a spouse, a divorce, and a separation consistently rank as the top three most stressful events in a person’s lifetime. Despite what you may believe, research shows that 50 percent of all divorced couples are able to maintain a decent relationship with each other after the marriage ends. Do you recognize yourself in this list of things?