The Secret To A Happy Relationship

Are you highly critical of your partner or find fault with him or her right out of the gate? Agreeing with one or two of these statements doesn’t mean you are a passion junkie. But if you answer yes I to five or all six of these statements, I encourage you to seriously examine your expectations about love and to consult with a therapist or a health professional who can assist you. Your feelings of love may have shifted, but more often than not, your relationship is exactly the same. In my study, and in many other research studies on relationships, couples who have been together for many years don’t rely on passionate love to keep their relationship alive. Now this doesn’t mean that your relationship is only about friendship. Understanding how passion works is a key secret to making your relationship last. It allows you to have completely different expectations of yourself, your relationship, and your partner. Instead of thinking, What’s wrong with us? you’ll be able to calmly say, Hey, my relationship isn’t in trouble after all! I should expect passion to fade over time. This is totally typical. You might even decide to work harder on your relationship or give it another try. Best of all, there are five habits you can get into now, or at any point in your relationship, that will help to keep the flames of passion burning high. When you first stated dating, everything you did as a couple was new and exciting.

Keep On Growing

To get back to this emotional state, mix things up in your relationship and focus on activities that are novel or new. Add the element of mystery or surprise. Mystery and surprise also mimic the emotional state of a new romance. Little surprises go a long way. Set up a mystery date night. Surprise your partner at work with an unplanned lunch at your favorite restaurant. Send flowers in the middle of the week, just because. Or surprise your partner with a candlelit dinner, right at home. Do something that kicks up your adrenaline and arousal. Young relationships start out with an adrenaline rush. Your heart races, you can’t sleep, and your body is flushed with excitement. Remember those feelings? You can feel this way again, I promise! Climb a mountain peak, jump on a roller coaster, or parachute out of a plane.

Out of Control

Even watching a scary movie will do the trick. You can also recreate these feelings right in your own home. One of my clients recently confessed that she desperately loved her husband, but was worried about the lack of passion in her marriage. So I suggested that she and her husband try working out together at home. They purchased a treadmill, some weights, and started working up a sweat together. Later, my client reported that she felt better about her body, her outlook, and her relationship. In recent years, a wave of studies have highlighted both the emotional and physical benefits of touch. Even the smallest touch can produce arousal, comfort, and support. Just holding hands on a walk, or making sure that you hug, kiss, or embrace daily, reminds you that you’re physiologically bonded. Get out of the house for at least one night and two days, go somewhere that interests both you and your partner, and create some new memories together. You don’t have to go far away or spend a lot of money. Simply pick a location where you can have unpressured time and truly relax, but make sure this location is away from home.

The Last Thing You Should Do

Women feel more passionate when they’re away from the pressures of their lives, so be sure to choose a location where you, or your partner, will truly unwind. Even if you have young children or are swamped with work or responsibility, it’s very important to invest in alone time together, away from it all. Want to Feel More Bonded? Pets provide love, gratitude, fun, and companionship. But you might be surprised to know that owning a pet can also have positive benefits for your relationship! When you own a pet, there’s even more for you to do together as a couple. You could take your dog for a walk, head over to the dog park, play a game of cat and mouse, go to the pet store, and even attend obedience classes together. Pets are fun and provide laughter, which makes life and a relationship less stressful. The love and care couples have for their pets can rub off on each other. Couples with pets are more attentive to each other, compliment each other, and are generally more affectionate. For example, you might suddenly notice that your partner always hogs the remote, and fume, Doesn’t he care about what I want to watch? Maybe your girlfriend always leaves the tiniest bit of orange juice in the container, and you start to wonder, Is she really that lazy? He or she doesn’t notice you, your new haircut, or your new outfit. An important date or anniversary is forgotten. These issues aren’t the end of the world, so shouldn’t you just ignore them? Contrary to the advice you’ve heard throughout your adult life, this is not the time to let things go by sweeping issues under the rug. If you ignore small annoyances, they add up to major discontent over time. My research finds that if these small, everyday issues are not addressed or discussed, they accumulate and grow into big resentments that are much more challenging to unpack and resolve. In fact, it’s the small bumps in the road, not the big construction zones, that lead to unhappiness and break couples apart down the road. The secret to a happy relationship is to get into the habit of discussing these issues as they come up. You’ll be surprised to discover that everyday challenges are often remedied by simple solutions. If you hate that she leaves her hair in the sink, tell her nicely how it makes you feel anxious.