The Value Of The Referral

We network naturally the minute we begin communicating. Who we become friends with, sit with at lunch, participate with in camps, dance classes, sports teams, everything. It seems to me that there is a possibility of networking around every corner. Meanwhile, during halftime, a young man came up to me, said he recognized me from The Bachelorette, loved Restart, was a follower, and asked if I would take a photo with him. Of course I was flattered and pleased to do so. I liked his forthrightness. In the middle of the party, who comes up to me but the same young man who had asked for the photo! This time, he rattled off a list of qualifications and ambitions, then politely but eagerly asked if he could apply for a summer internship with my company! He knew that the key to it was to offer something of value before he asked for value in return. In addition, the moment he felt I was impressed with his credibility, he was quick to execute and ask for a favor in return. I have found that anyone who has ended up working with me has a similar story. Kaity McGee landed a job by sending me a pitch email. She had researched my brand and took YouTube thumbnails that I had been using and made them better through her own creativity. In return she asked if she could do a few pieces of work for free for us.

Weather To Fly

She demonstrated value, executed value, offered a free trial, and became a valued worker in my company! Then there’s the story of the worst deal I ever did following The Bachelorette. It would pay me a fee of 500 pounds, the least I had ever been offered, and it would not pay for my travel from Seattle. So Sahr asked me if I might be planning to come to New York any time soon. Actually, I said, I’m coming this weekend to visit my brother. So Sahr got busy. By the time he had put it all together, he had me making appearances at two other bars on Friday and Saturday night, for substantial appearance fees plus travel expenses paid, with a finale at the Ainsworth on Sunday afternoon. Yes, networking is so natural we do it all the time without being aware of it. This could be a threat. It feels a bit intimidating. Our defenses are up. That natural wariness, the threat someone new represents, doesn’t instantly disappear after a second or two. If you’re one of these people and you have that natural ability, keep killing it.

Don't Let The Small Stuff Bog You Down

So, for us, cold introductions are almost always unsuccessful. Again, it’s because we don’t naturally trust people we encounter at random. Which likely leads to hanging up the phone or immediately hitting the big red ignore button, not responding to the cold email, to messages, to a knock on the door. But all of that can be avoided through the warmth of an introduction, by providing an intermediary who can turn the unknown into someone familiar. Even just slightly familiar. So when it comes to networking your way into a career move, when someone known to and trusted by a person you have targeted refers you to the target, it’s a seal of approval on you. The threat disappears, the sense of misgiving evaporates, the wall and the guards come down, and you become someone who belongs in the space occupied by the person making the referral and the person you’re trying to get to. Having a referral doesn’t mean you can forget about offering the something you have to give for the something you want to get before you make your request. But the beauty of having a referral is an opportunity to personalize your offer of the service you want to provide, aligned as closely as possible to the needs of the person you’re contacting. Whoever is making the referral for you is certainly doing you a favor, but probe him or her for help in framing your offer just right. It helps you tailor how you describe the value you believe you can provide to the target before you ask for what you’d like to get. Where do you find people who provide you with referrals to targets you want to reach? Actually, the people who can introduce you to the people you need to get to are right there in that natural network of contacts made from preschool to the current moment.

Take It To The Limit

You just have to find the connections, and that may take a number of steps. Somebody you know knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody else. It’s basic, but it works if you actually put it into practice. Know those you’re connected with and know those they’re connected with. The line between you and the contact you have targeted may twist and turn, and it may seem long, but hang in there. Step by step, it will get you where you want to go. It’s easy to say it’s all there on your phone, but hell, it’s true. Nothing is more powerful for gaining information and connecting the dots of your contacts than social media. That’s why you need to spend whatever time it takes to systematically probe all your platforms for all the contacts you can find. You will discover connections you never dreamed existed. And keep going till you score. These days, with social media, I genuinely believe it’s four or five degrees. It’s never been easier to find people to connect with. You will find people who know people who know other people who can get you to the person you want to get to! The team selection process was based on detailed tests we had to take on entering the business school. Supposedly the tests analyzed our personalities and capabilities. The aim was to make each team as diverse as possible. No two team members should share much more than the ability to speak English.