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A Place Of Full Healing

on May 12, 2022

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On the other hand, sometimes, we ourselves are in denial or are even unaware about our own trauma and pain that we cannot recognize other peoples’ pain until we heal. If this happens, you will become the target of their ire and abuse. As we have already discussed earlier, people who abuse others are often abusive because they refuse to do the inner work to heal. As a result, they project their feelings of worthlessness onto others. So, do not be surprised if your healing begins to change the dynamic of some or even all your relationships. You may, therefore, be shocked to realize that someone you share a close relationship with is suddenly cold, harsh or abusive towards you. When I began my journey into healing, this change in my closest relationships was a shock to me. I had changed for the better, but it now meant I had also changed my relationships by default. For those relationships I shared with emotionally healthy, healed people, my healing only served to bring us closer and deepen our relationships. Likewise, people in my life who also sought healing were inspired by my own healing and used it as an inspiration for themselves. In many cases, they abused me severely, hoping to bring the old me back. Once this happened, I knew I had to enforce my boundaries to ensure I protect myself.

Come In From The Cold

Come In From The Cold

As a result, my relationship with these people began to crumble as we grew apart. I no longer fit into their world, and they did not fit into my world either. When we talk about healing from childhood abuse and trauma, the disintegration of our relationships is most often not spoken about. However, it is a very real part of our healing. I have had friends and family tell me that they fear healing because they are worried they will lose their loved ones in the process. Abuse and trauma feed and thrive on comfort and familiarity. When you heal, you become mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically stronger. Those closest to you can see you gaining this strength. Unfortunately, if these relationships are built on pain, abuse and trauma bonding, they will not be happy with your newfound strength and will try their best to cut you back down to the shell of a person you used to be. It is normal to be afraid. When you begin the journey towards healing, you are taking a leap of faith that you will be able to keep your family and friends. But what if you aren’t? Familiarity is a very powerful numbing drug.

Have A Heart

Throughout history, humans have made huge sacrifices just for the slight chance of keeping things as they used to be. Yet, you will recognize that you cannot have change if you choose familiarity. You cannot let go of familiarity if you do not let go of your fear of the unknown. Those people who never make the leap of faith of healing because of fear always end up regretting it. While they kept their loved ones around them, they soon came to realize that it wasn’t enough. They needed true, honest love to thrive and to be happy. I encourage you to take the leap of faith to heal even if you are scared to lose your loved ones in the process. Losing people who abuse you and setting yourself free to find a new family that loves you in a healthy way or spending decades with people who profess to love you, but break you down totally with their abuse until you are nothing but a ball of anxiety, pain and trauma? You are on this path of healing not just for you but for any future generations in your family that will benefit from your healing. You are more powerful than you think, so you can misuse your power by creating and perpetuating the cycle of pain for generations to come or, alternatively, you can take your responsibility with serious dignity and create a new cycle of love, joy and beauty for generations to come. The choice is yours. It creates a halo effect that attracts others to you. This halo effect attracts both loving people and abusive people.

Breaking Down

It is your job to sift out the abusive people and enforce your boundaries so that they do not hurt you. Do not be surprised if your healing begins to change the dynamic of some or even all your relationships. Likewise, do not be shocked if someone you share a close relationship with is suddenly cold, harsh or abusive towards you once you begin healing. Healing changes all your relationships by default. It improves some of your relationships, deepening your bonds with people. Inversely, it also breaks down some of your relationships since you are no longer able to fit into certain lives anymore. Abuse and trauma feed and thrive on comfort and familiarity. This is why you must embolden yourself to move beyond your fear, out of familiarity and into the new and unfamiliar. It is normal to be scared of losing your loved ones, but the people who truly love you will not abuse or abandon you because of your newfound strength and healing. It is better to lose an abuser, freeing you to find family and friends who truly love you than it is to stay with an abusive loved one for decades, only to end up as nothing but a shell of who you are. Your healing will begin a new cycle of love for generations to come. You made it this far, taking on this endurance contest like a pro! You fell a few times, cried many times and gave up numerous times along the way, but you are here now, and your battle scars are here to tell the story of how you overcame! You deserve all the accolades you can possibly get. I remember when I began to realize I was getting to a place of full healing.

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