How Can I Support You?

The best part about little things is that they lead to bigger and bigger things. Instead, just look at the first step. The first step might be doing a simple Google search to research something. The point is that doing little things out of your comfort zone helps you gain momentum. You have no excuse not to start doing little things. Pretty soon, you’re farther up the mountain than you ever thought you could get. Being of service to others is never about you. If you think about the fact that people are biologically wired for human connection, but still try to solve problems and heal all by themselves, doesn’t that sound a little backwards? Many times, we don’t know people are suffering until they are really, really in pain. When it’s an absolute emergency. And it just plain sucks. Maybe you feel sorry for yourself about this problem or maybe you just generally feel like crap about it. Reach out to someone else.

Withdraw With Merciless Aloofness.

Even if you think she doesn’t need help. No need to make assumptions or accusations about her potential problems, just ask in a really open way. Is there anything you need support with? How can I support you? I know, it sounds weird. But I just want you to know if there’s anything going on in your life that you need support around, I’m here to listen or help you in any way I can. So, what’s going on? Your friend may be slightly taken aback, slightly suspicious, hang up on you because she thinks she’s being Punk’d, who knows. The point is, many times we get into our routines with our friends, take them for granted, and forget how important it is to help. You never know unless you ask. And there’s a good possibility you have a friend with a situation she’s dealing with right now. Sometimes it’s okay to just be honest. You might get that friend who says, Oh, I don’t want to talk about me. One of the side effects of being of service is feeling good about yourself. I think our culture tells us that being of service should solely be altruistic and that feeling good while doing it is negative and selfish.

Life Is A Battlefield

I vehemently disagree. It’s okay and, in my opinion, even awesome to feel good about yourself while being of service. The only thing to be careful about is if your service is conditional on external feedback. In other words, if you’re attached to the outcome to bring you good feelings and don’t otherwise feel good about yourself, you need to first do some inner work on you so you’re not relying on your service actions to bring you what you need. Keep in mind that being of service means that you don’t expect anything in return. So try to remain unattached to the outcome when you decide to be of service to others. And please, please don’t do it if your reason for doing it is to make you look good in front of others. You’re better off just not doing it at all. Nowhere in that definition is helping peeps so you can look awesome. You’ll also find that the more you open yourself up to support others, the more you’ll start to get it back. So take it if you’re offered some! I’m talking about your values now. What’s important to you? Many of us know what our family’s values were when we grew up.

Trouble In Paradise

Or you know what the values of your religion are. Most people have never taken the time to list out their personal values. They may indeed still be the same as your parents’ values, your religion, or your culture. But there are probably more that you haven’t yet fully recognized. What is important about the way you live your life? For example, is it important that you connect with others on a deep level consistently? Or do you have a need to be responsible to our planet? Are you passionate about parenting a certain way and want to educate others about it? These specific things are rooted into your values. Another way to tap into your values is to think about what really pisses you off. Chances are, when something makes you angry, underneath is a value that is being stepped on. For instance, what the value freedom looks like to you might look different to the next person. Be open to describing exactly what it is. If you keep coming back to gourmet food and you think that’s your value, think about what gourmet food actually brings you. Is it the creativity that cooking offers that you really crave? Or connecting with friends while cooking or eating? It’s not actually the thing, but the feeling it brings you. Once you have your list, don’t stop there. The next step is to ask yourself how alive these values are in your life. For example, say you have physical wellness/fitness on your list of values, but for whatever reason you haven’t exercised in a few months. So obviously, that value would score low even though it is something that’s important to you. A lot of times, we aren’t fully honoring all of our values at the same time. They are not up for judgment or ridicule from others. If it’s important to you, it should be important to you, period. The next step in this assignment is for you to look at the values you scored low on. Think of one or two things you can do immediately to raise the rating. If fitness scored low and it’s one of your values, commit to something simple like taking a walk this week. I am a firm believer that your personal values are just as important to you as your basic needs such as food, water, and shelter. Sure, you won’t physically die if they aren’t being honored in your life, but in a way, your spirit dies a little when they aren’t.