Recognizing Those Negative Inner Critic Thoughts

Let’s not associate looking good with weight loss. Because I know for a fact it is not your destiny to live a life of wishing and hoping for good things to happen to you. Believing dreams only come true for those people. You know what those people have in common? They love themselves. Do any of these sound familiar? Have you lost weight? I’m too fat to wear this. I can’t believe I just pigged out. She shouldn’t be wearing that. I was really bad today and ate pizza. I can only wear that if I lose ten pounds. My hope is you will start to notice you might be doing it and/or hearing it. Even sadder is that the thoughts don’t stop with just sentences about our bodies. Start working out again, only eat X amount of calories per day, go shopping for Spanx, download a calorie counting app, start weighing yourself every morning, and on and on and on.

Determination Gives You The Resolve

Helping us lose weight? Making our relationships and friendships stronger and richer? It’s a cycle that starts out detrimental to our souls and ends with disappointment, thus recreating the cycle over and over again. Let’s change the conversation. Let’s not bond over the commiseration of the way our bodies look. Fat talk is not limited to conversations we have with others. Fat talk is often the conversation we have with ourselves. In 2011, Glamour magazine asked 300 young women of all sizes to record every negative or anxious thought they had about their bodies for one day. A whopping 97 percent admitted to having at least one I hate my body moment. This, my friends, is tragic. How many times have you thought or said, I feel fat? I have heard the words come out of my mouth too many times to count. But the last time I checked, fat is not a feeling. You can’t feel fat. When you find yourself saying that, ask yourself what else you are feeling or what the real underlying feeling is.

No Ordinary Pain

Those are all valid feelings and get to the root of what’s really happening in your thoughts. Because, as you should know by now, your feelings are dictated by your thoughts, not your circumstances. If you’re having trouble avoiding fat talk right off the bat, simply notice how often you hear it at first. Then stop thinking those thoughts. If you made a list of your ten favorite things about your best friend, I highly doubt that her weight would be on that list. We all have an inner critic. Your inner critic can vary. Or it can be a downright nasty bully and tell you you’re fat, stupid, and not worthy of love, success, or anything else you truly desire. I believe these inner critic voices are addicted to suffering. Think about a time when you were afraid to do something, whether it was going for a new job, asking someone out, or trying something new. Your fear manifests as a conversation in your mind. What if I look stupid? What if it doesn’t work out? I’m not smart enough to do that.

Are You Ready?

I know the inner critic so well because I have one, too. I have to do everything perfectly or risk ridicule, shame, and humiliation. When I think of my dreams, she’ll tell me they’re not possible. She insists that people like me just can’t achieve that dream. She says I won’t have time, I won’t know how, and even if I did, I would do it wrong. In a nutshell, she’s a complete and total bitch. Some people have lived their entire lives listening to this voice as their truth. The real truth is that you can separate that voice from your true self, and see big shifts in your life. The first step in inner critic managing is acceptance. You’ll always have this voice, but you can learn to quiet it. To start, simply notice when you’re lost in inner critic land. It might be right now. Try not to beat yourself up for having this voice in your head. You’re simply becoming aware of its presence. Check in to see what the conversation in your head is like during those times. What kind of language are you using with yourself? Next, question the inner critic’s assumptions and truths. When you find yourself thinking, I’m such a failure at this, ask yourself, Is this true? Really ask yourself if you know without a doubt that you are 100 percent certain you are a failure at this. Or has your inner critic convinced you of it? Staying paralyzed in indecision is a clear sign your inner critic voice is keeping you stagnant, so getting clarity on all these what ifs will help you decide. Staying paralyzed in indecision is a clear sign your inner critic voice is keeping you stagnant. And if you’re feeling up to it, changing your perspective around how you look at this inner critic is, of course, your choice. What if you looked at it from a place of compassion? Imagine that it’s trying its best to help you, but having a really hard time. Its job is supposed to be protecting you and encouraging you, but it just can’t seem to get it right. But you may find the inner critic loses its power when you do think of it kind of sucking at its true job. This work takes practice. No one is able to manage their inner critic overnight. Be persistent in recognizing and questioning those negative inner critic thoughts, and you’ll be well on your way. Let’s take a trip to Fantasyland now. Imagine for a moment there were no diet products. No billboards telling you how to finance your liposuction. No diet pills, no diet shakes, and no companies making money off you counting points every time you swallowmouth full of food. No magazines, commercials, or any other ad making you think being thin is the answer to all of your problems.