Recount What You Loved About Detox Mode

We are allowing children to make decisions they lack the experience and wisdom to make. You’ll want to schedule those fillings so they don’t get worse. Okay, thanks. We definitely have room for improvement on the flossing front. I looked around and saw that the place was empty. Any chance you could do the fillings now? I asked. It would be nice to get that taken care of, so they don’t get worse. I do have time in my schedule. Does he mind if we fill them now? I looked back at her for a moment to make sure she wasn’t kidding. She held my gaze, waiting for me to get approval. I turned to my preschooler, still in disbelief. The dentist watched.

Deep Deep Feeling

Now we are going to get those cavities filled for you. Okay, let’s fill those cavities! I began to understand the problem. Kids’ preferences and appetites are driving parenting decisions like never before. Parents aren’t parenting. This is not helping our kids. In fact, it’s harming them. Parents have abdicated their role as primary influencers of their kids. Instead, teens are looking to each other for understanding their place in the world and cultural norms. Teen social media celebrities are literally called influencers. And teens are spending upwards of nine hours per day being influenced by internet strangers. Children are being brought up by immature persons who cannot possibly guide them to maturity. What could go wrong? The phone was only programmed for texts and phone calls.

A Taste of Honey

For years, Peyton’s parents checked her phone whenever they wanted, a condition of her having a phone in the first place. As she now prepares to head to college, her parents no longer do random phone checks. According to her parents, friends, and teachers, Peyton is responsible and kind, a woman of strong character. She is a leader in youth group, is popular, and gets solid grades. Parents of younger kids look at older kids like Peyton and think, How do we get there from here? But not kids who are sucked into the entertainment vortex. Why didn’t she make the kinds of mistakes that her peers did? With a phone in her pocket, she had every opportunity to make similar decisions. Peyton credits her parents for her ability to navigate the cutthroat digital waters. My parents talk to me about everything. Aside from telling me and my sister about the kinds of images and messages we’d see online, they provided context for it, she said. Peyton also wisely noted that when parents give a child a smartphone, they’re handing over access to the entire world. Because of that, Peyton believes it’s easier for kids to make better decisions when they are given more freedom little by little, rather than all at once. Along the way, parents must warn their kids to look out for the triggers and stressors that can lead their hearts and thoughts down a bad trail.

Action Breeds Confidence And Courage

We will see certain things online that are unavoidable. And it’s going to bring up a lot of ugly comparison issues. My mom told me to be mindful of that, so I don’t get sucked into it, she said. Both girls agreed that their parents’ successful approach to tech was rooted in something deeper than a simple phone policy. We must frame the conversation and provide a moral compass for our kids. And we must do this before they’re given access to life online. Otherwise, you’ve willingly handed your powerful torch of influence to any random YouTuber or social media celebrity. Set firm boundaries and require obedience of your tiniest kids from day one, while investing in them relationally. Parents are the naturally appointed primary source of influence and insight for their kids. We simply have to do the job we’ve already been given. As our kids grow older, the rules eventually fade, but our relationship with them is forever. After tracking your parental observations about the detox, talk to your kids! Ask what they loved and didn’t love about their detox. If your kids understand that you are legitimately interested in their input, and that you’re not gathering ammo to use against them, they will be honest with you. Ask how they felt emotionally and mentally when they weren’t numbed out on excessive tech entertainment. Were they less stressed? Were they more productive without a constant diversion in their pockets? What specifically did they miss when their devices weren’t an option? If they answer, My phone, dig deeper. Was it connecting with friends? Was it updates on baseball scores? Was it their posting streak on TikTok? Get underneath that expressed desire and into the heart issue. Do they want to feel seen? Do they want to express themselves? You are seeking to identify which desires drive your kid to screens so you can find better ways to meet those desires without a screen. Brainstorm with your kids some ideas for meeting their needs in ways that don’t involve screens. The tone of this conversation is critical. Your kids should feel completely listened to, and their feedback needs to be lovingly, thoroughly considered. They should know that the ultimate decision will be up to Mom and Dad. What did you love about the detox? What parts of technology did you miss? Spend some time talking through these with your spouse. Several times in the past couple months, prior to the screen break, I had to drag him out of the house and force him to go on a short run around the block with me because he would otherwise lounge around the house in between the screen time we allowed him. He would complain during the entire run. This week, on his own initiative, he established a workout schedule that he’s abiding by on his own. Yesterday, he asked me to go running with him! He led the run and took us about two or three times farther than I normally had to force him to run pre–screen break.