We All Cope The Best Way We Know

It intrigues me that it’s easier for people to forgive other people for hurting them than it is for them to forgive themselves for things they’ve done. Then they reveal one or two things they’ve been dragging around. You keep swatting it away and go on enjoying yourself, but that pesky thing is relentless and just keeps showing up uninvited. So, let’s take a step back and look at whatever it was that you did that you can’t seem to forgive yourself for. Try your best to remember what your true intentions were at that time. Let’s say you cheated on a partner. What were you actually looking for when you committed the act? If I had to guess, you were looking for comfort, validation, connection, and love. And at that time, your truest intention was to take care of yourself and get those feelings in the fastest way you knew how. Was the action the best way to get those feelings? But my point is that you were looking for basic, human, instinctual loving feelings. A way to take care of yourself the best way you knew how at that time. Remember, you are human. By forgiving yourself, you’re not saying it’s okay to repeat the same mistakes.

Seize the Day

You’re not saying it’s okay for your children to do the same things. You love yourself enough to admit that you are a mortal human being who did the best you could with the tools you had at that time. We all cope the best way we know how, at that time, with the tools we have. Learn from it and move on. We all make mistakes, even disasters sometimes. Yet no one is benefitting from you holding on to this, certainly not you. What is the price you are paying for holding onto this? Are you more stressed, less ambitious, less happy, less fulfilled? Even if you know it’s the right thing to do, forgiving yourself can be difficult. To start, make a list of all the things you beat yourself up for. Whether you come down on yourself on a regular basis or every once in a while, write it all out. Yes, it might be painful to see it in front of you, but do it anyway. Sometimes getting it all out of you helps the past lose its power over you. Even if you know it’s the right thing to do, forgiving yourself can be difficult.

Isn't It A Pity

Then make the decision to forgive yourself. If this is too hard at this point, try making peace with the situation. No more soul beatings. At the time you did whatever it was that you did, you did the best you could with the tools you had at that time. Otherwise, you would have done things differently. If it were your child, or your partner, or your best friend and they did what you did, then truly felt remorseful and asked for forgiveness, and you truly believed that they did the best they could at that time they made the mistake, would you forgive them? Or would you tell them, Nah, you still need to suffer. I don’t think so. Imagine what would happen if you allowed yourself to move away from past mistakes in the same way. You deserve forgiveness. You deserve to let go of what’s holding you back. I believe our culture does not make it easy for us to embrace who we truly are. In this way, a box of conformity is created.

A Leap Of Faith

It looks pretty much the same for everyone. And the reason many of us get in this box is because we want to be accepted and this seems like the easiest way to do it. Usually this happens right around middle school for many of us. We adopt the opinions, beliefs, preferences, and hobbies of others. And then we grow up and these conforming habits stick with us. Did you get in the box at some point in your life? If you did, you had a lot of company. At that point, I defined my own success, happiness, fulfillment, values, future, and everything else. And it’s my biggest wish for everyone to do the same. If you don’t define yourself, it’s easy to go through life like a sheep, following the crowd, not knowing what you like, what you want, and who you truly are. Not knowing what it is that makes you shine. I meet people all the time who don’t feel like there is anything special about them. They spend so much time, money, and energy trying to be like someone else. Someone they think has a fantastic life. Someone they think has it easier than they do. Even if you’re not doing that right now, maybe you remember a time when you did. What’s that like, trying to be like someone else? Forgive me for sounding so cliché here, but I truly believe that if everyone realized the power of their special uniqueness, the entire world would be a better place. If you realized that there is absolutely no one like you, what would you embrace? What would you stop apologizing for? Would you know there is nothing wrong with you? That you are absolutely 100 percent perfect exactly the way you are? Imagine the power within you! I’ve written this little manifesto for you on how to embrace your soul’s uniqueness. With all your heart and with all your soul. There might be days when this is hard, and that’s okay. Just pick up where you left off the next day. Stop before you do things you think you should do just because other people are doing them, or telling you that you should. What’s important to you should be important to you, period. Don’t compromise your feelings and values. If you do, promise not to tell yourself, I told you so. Listen to your heart and soul. I promise if you follow it, you won’t be disappointed in the end.