I Deeply Loved And Appreciated Each Of Them

We find our purpose by utilizing our strengths, abilities, and talents. She was calm and content. When we arrived at the Salt Lake City airport, we probably had 40 people gathered at the gate to welcome us home. Our four children, ages five to thirteen, were ecstatic and jumping for joy, each eager to hold their new precious sister. She became the center of our family and existence. She had each of our hearts tied around her little finger. She could get anything she wanted because she had that much charm and influence over us! Olivia’s siblings, family and friends adored. One afternoon in 2005, I was mentoring a group of women in my home. As usually happens with women in that type of setting, we all grew to love and support each other. I deeply loved and appreciated each of them. After they left my home one afternoon and after hearing of some of their challenges, I went upstairs to my bedroom and leaned against my door. I said a little prayer, telling my Father in Heaven that I wanted to assist Him in helping others who were going through hard times.

Always In My Head

My life had been relatively speaking a piece of cake compared to others. I would devote my life to love and serve others, but only if I didn’t have to go through the hard stuff myself. I didn’t think much more about that little prayer until around two weeks later when my life was completely shattered and would change its course forever. Olivia was our everything. She was the center of our family. The children all wanted to be her best buddy, a coveted position. Everyone wanted to be her favorite! It was almost like she was the glue that held us together. Finding her that morning was almost more than we could bear. She passed away unexpectedly in her sleep following a brief illness. The shock and trauma of that experience still instantly stirs up painful feelings of grief that cut to the core. We couldn’t imagine our lives without our little angel. How could we possibly carry on? It was five years to the day after she was first placed in our arms that we had to lay her body to rest.

Up In Flames

We immediately felt an outpouring of love and support. We had never been surrounded by so much love. I had been given some sweet spiritual assurances that all would be well. I knew that Olivia was in a beautiful place welcomed by all of our loved ones. I had always believed in the Atonement, and knew He was the only one who could carry our pain and burden. As I began pouring my heart out to Him and pleading for help, beautiful things began happening in my life. I was blessed with great light and understanding. I would wake up early in the morning and spend hours in prayer, meditation, and journaling. All these things strengthened me, and I held on to them with all of my might. But there was one problem. Our minds are powerful forces and our thoughts can take us to places that can bring us down pretty quickly. It hurt my heart so deeply that I didn’t know if I could go on.

Better Make It Through Today

Then I would receive sweet spiritual assurances, and I would hold on. But as there is opposition in all things, resulting in darkness as well as light, I would fall into negative thinking. After a couple of years, my body, mind, spirit, and heart simply broke down, and I spiraled into clinical depression. Not only had we lost our beloved Olivia, but now my family was losing me as well. Fortunately, I was surrounded by people who loved me and were concerned about what was happening to me. My husband stepped in after painfully watching me spiral downward. He got me the medical help that was necessary to put me on the track of recovery. I will forever be grateful to him as my hero who literally saved my life, but I had a long healing journey ahead of me. I would wake up in the mornings and begin writing. Through this process of getting the whirling thoughts down, you open up space for your creativity, insight, and inspiration to flow. One morning, thoughts and ideas started coming to me as I was writing my Morning Notes. I started sketching out a tree with the roots running deeply into the soil. Four distinct roots emerged. Just as a tree needs to get constant nourishment from the rich soil and water reaching its roots to sustain growth, we need to nourish our body, heart, mind and soul on a daily basis. I now put it on my daily To Do list and strive to nourish those roots daily by incorporating specific practices in each area. In our personal lives, we also need structure, forms, or systems to keep our lives running smoothly. As a busy mother and health coach, I need systems in all areas of my life in order for things to run more smoothly. Once we identify the roles that we have in our lives and implement systems, we find greater balance and streamline many of the daily and weekly tasks we do. The branches of the tree represent finding our Purpose and Passion. This is really the fun part of life! When we are living our purpose and passion, everything is brighter and more vibrant and we find joy in all that we do every day. Often it is the difficult things in life that point us in the direction where we are meant to be of the most service. When we find our voice, a new zest for life and energy just flows! Finally, the fruit of the tree represents sharing our unique gifts with others. It may be diseased or even sick. And if a healthy tree is producing fruit, but that fruit is not harvested and picked from the tree, what happens?