My Failures Would Never Be Overcome

I also learned that if you put something in a complaint, no matter how untrue it may be, that you cannot be charged with libel or slander. We printed thousands of them. With all of this momentum and so much passion and clarity, it is hard to imagine what could have possibly gone wrong. I have yet to see another business come together with such unity, drive and purpose. We were being sued in Federal Court for trademark infringement. The complaint was riddled with both outrageous lies and plenty of truth intentionally phrased to make us look bad. The lies were laughable at first, and the truths were mortifying. The stack of papers must have been four inches thick. There was a copy for each of us named in the lawsuit. The merits of the case had little substance. It was clear that our main competition, which had been in business for decades, did not like the fact that their people were stampeding away in droves to join our company, because we offered what they had all been begging and pleading for. We immediately changed the allegedly offending name, but the lawsuit proceeded.

The Price You Pay

It lasted only six months and ended in a settlement, but it cost the company $300,000 in legal fees and costs. It completely crippled us financially. Mission accomplished. The funny but sad thing is, we likely would have been able to pull through, since everyone loves an underdog, especially in the world of natural birth. She was furious and was hell bent on showing it. To this day I am still not sure why she was so angry, as there was never a confrontation or an expression of strong disagreement before the blog was born. I watched in horror as my life slowly and steadily crumbled. Every close friend faded out of my life, save one, due to that blog. This was sharply contrasted by the whispers, isolation, and even private messages asking me how I could sleep at night. I had wanted to be praised and admired for my efforts when we started the business. The idea of being granted such a status was intoxicating and the allure of fame was calling. Those desires turned into dust and burned me hard.

My Forest Is Dark

The lawsuit alone was difficult, but the blog cut us off at the knees. It raged for a good year and a half with regular postings, and continued intermittently for years even after that. I could not make a move without it being twisted and blogged about. I had a pregnancy during that time that was incredibly difficult. After my son was born and my blog post about his labor and delivery went viral, I saw one person post I throw up in my mouth every time I see someone share Naomi’s birth story. Even years later, when I had my stillbirth at 22 weeks, they commented on a blog post I wrote 11 days after he was gone. I had to have surgery to remove my son because I was not going into labor on my own. I lost 40 percent of my blood as a result of some complications from the surgery. I scoured the internet looking for anything I could find on how to deal with a situation like this. There was precious little. The closest I could find were posts about how to deal with haters, so I devoured everything I came across. That my husband had physically assaulted the president of our company during a meeting.

Love The Thought

That he had threatened physical violence to others as well. They would harp on these things as if they were fact. They were simply not true. Then a month later he had slapped me one night so many times he gave me two black eyes. I remember feeling like such a cliché, putting on purple eyeshadow to perfectly balance out the bruising as it was healing so that I could finally leave the house. But I couldn’t tell anyone. We had built this business together, and we had a new baby, and shortly after had another one on the way. The mountain of shame that had piled on top of me, just waiting to crush me, was too much to bear. If I admitted what was happening at home, that I was a victim of domestic violence, I thought the things that they did lie about would become truth, and I simply could not allow that to happen. It is hard enough to get out of a physically violent marriage, let alone when you have children with the man. It was made harder by a high level of psychological abuse. Things got so difficult I wanted to abandon my dream business shortly after the lawsuit was settled. But he wouldn’t have it. To me, it felt like having a child die. He wanted to see it through to success, to prove them all wrong. So I was going to take to my grave the fact that he had ever been violent with me. I felt as though I had chains around me that were preventing me from moving forward. Any move I made to grow the business only created more motivation for this angry mob to generate more blocks to my progress. I cherished and clung to the idea that the harder it got was a reflection of it being what we were meant to do. I felt as though I was pushing a boulder up a hill. I just wanted so badly not to be misinterpreted in my actions. Even though I’ve had two abusive husbands, I have never been more repeatedly violated and betrayed than by this group of women that once called me friend. I felt as though my failures would never be overcome. I lacked the skills to know how to diplomatically respond to the criticisms, so I just stayed quiet. I never publicly responded to anything that was said about me. This is the first official story I’ve shared about that whole experience.