What's Stopping You From Your Goals In Life?

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Do not be modest or shy here, if you are the best cook in the family, then give yourself that title and enjoy that sense of accomplishment. You have this list, make sure you save it or keep it somewhere safe. And there’s a way you will very likely get even more, which is to ask family, friends, and those you feel close to if they could list three of your Signature Strengths that come to mind when they think about you. Keep it in a safe place so you can always go back to it when life gets challenging or when you are feeling overwhelmed. It has been and gone, and we can’t change anything about it now. Instead of focusing on what happened, what was wrong and whose fault that was, positive psychology takes the view human beings are naturally more often drawn by the future than driven by the past. So, the trick here is to become one of those human beings. Being virtuous does not mean being a Saint at all times but it does mean embracing those positive Signature Strengths that we listed earlier. If you are wondering how this can apply to your everyday life, think about the choices you perhaps already make. Perhaps you are vegetarian because you don’t like the idea of animal slaughter. You can see this as a virtuous lifestyle choice and one which should make you feel good about yourself Perhaps you have joined a campaign group trying to half the destruction of the environment.

Fear Is An Assassin

The key word here though is authentic. That’s a job and has its place but I am talking about the other kinds of influencers. People like Rain Dove who is not afraid to tackle gender issues and put their detractors back in their places with compassion and kindness, even when the trolls are hellbent on firing death threats their way. They say actions speak louder than words and so here are some ideas to show you what I mean. Join the local political party you support and help them campaign when the next election comes around. Lead by example. Use your consumer dollar to influence what and how companies spend their marketing budget. When it comes to the good stuff and positive experiences then anything that feels like an achievement counts. It is tempting, in our Western Society, to judge someone’s competence solely based on academic exams and degrees but that is to mistake the diverse and broad range of competencies worth celebrating. I am liking Real Me more and more! Until then, think of three nice things someone else has done for you in the last week or so. Just think about the last nice/good/kind/important thing you did for someone else or on behalf of your community. This may be true but if you are here and reading this then you are still alive and have already bounced back, probably multiple times.

Its A Mean Old World

You have had your heart broken, picked yourself up, repaired your heart and gone on to explore a new loving relationship. You lost your job and your world collapsed. You accepted help to get back on your feet, took whatever job was going and eventually found meaningful work again. Someone you cared about a lot died. It left you feeling life is random, cruel, and callous. Two years have passed and you have made a memorial garden to celebrate the life of that person, along with their other friends. You may need and want a little more and we will look at how to achieve that but it is not something outside your life experience to date so trust that and know that when you need it again, it will be there. We grow because of the challenges like heartbreak, disappointment, and grief. Then, when we grow, there is so much more of us to throw into and at the good stuff that will become the foundation of our happiness and living that good life. Here is someone who has learned their craft and honed the skills to step confidently on stage to all that adoration, but this is also clearly someone who does not love or value themselves! So, it then makes sense that while they are not the same, you certainly can’t fix one, without fixing the other. It has nothing to do with brains, or opportunities, or resources and has everything to do with their belief in themselves or, rather, a lack of belief in themselves. It is tempting to think confidence is simply an accident of birth or a genetic gift and that those who have it were lucky enough to be born with it but that is just not true.

Am I Invisible?

Say you feel stuck in an unrewarding and dead end job and you would love to do something more meaningful for work. What’s stopping you? What do you believe will happen if you try to change jobs? Do you believe you will find the perfect job for you and easily persuade a new employer that you are the perfect fit for that role or have you convinced yourself that there are so many other people who are better qualified that nobody would ever give you a chance? What we believe shapes how we think about ourselves and directs our actions. If we believe we will fail, either that is what will happen or, more likely, we will talk ourselves out of even trying rather than risking the humiliation of failure. Think back to a time you did well in school or at work. Remember how you felt when people heaped lots of praise on you? What do we say about muscles? In other words, we can get in the driving seat and make sure it doesn’t feel as if life happens to us and we are always a victim. It is a sign of maturity and strength because it shows that you recognize your limitations at this point.